


Yuuri's 25th Birthday Present

by KuroNoKiseki



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, I've just lost my loved one while writing this, Loosely based on a true story, M/M, Sick Yuuri, Sickfic, Yuuri having cancer, and I cried alot, don't kill me for this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2018-12-10 19:19:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 36,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11698224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuroNoKiseki/pseuds/KuroNoKiseki
Summary: 7-year-old Yuuri had cancer, fated to immediately end his life. Not until his 7th birthday where he made a wish for his death to be delayed until he became a professional figure skater and seized the throne of the champion. In exchange for the prolonged lifespan, he vowed to live to the fullest and lead a meaningful life with the limited time he had with his loved ones.Now Yuuri, aged 24, was ready to have his life ended. But little he knew all this time he was an irreplaceable existence to others, who treasured his whole being and would risk anything for the sake of not losing him. All they wanted was only seeing him by their side, forever.





	1. Chapter 1

“Like you, nothing is forever.”

**Blacklite District – The Struggle**

Minako tapped her foot on the hospital floor; her eyes occasionally darted to the clock hanging on the wall. The hands of the clock were pointing at the topmost number – a day had passed and another day had started. It was getting late at night, poor little 7-year-old Mari sitting next to her fell asleep an hour ago after waiting for so long. The petite girl had her head resting on Minako’s lap and lightly snored, the woman in her 30s sighed in pity – to think children tend to sleep early at night and cannot remain awake during this late time, she gently patted her hair and gazed upon her sleeping face. The little girl suddenly woke up.

“Minako-san, the baby’s not here yet?”

Minako shook her head in response. Mari yawned, raised her arms up in the air to stretch herself and switched to sitting position on the bench in the waiting room. In front of the labour room, some people were also patiently waiting – it looked like so many babies would born within a day, sharing the same birthday with Hiroko’s second child.

“What’s taking them so long?” Mari impatiently leaned her back against the wall, still groggy from waking up.

“Giving birth will take a lot of time, I afraid.” Minako said, wrapping an arm around Mari’s shoulders. “Not only it is long, also very difficult and painful.”

Having sympathy for the child who had just woken up, Minako bought her a canned drink from the vending machine. Mari accepted it, slowly chugging down the chilled green tea down her parched throat. The girl with olive hair taken after her father could’ve enjoyed her beauty sleep on her comfy bed now, if she didn’t insist on coming along.

“Excited to have a little sibling, Mari-chan?”

Mari nodded. “I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. I wanted someone to accompany me when Otou-san and Okaa-san are busy working.”

Some nurses came out from the labour room pushing some babies to somewhere else, one of them was prematurely born. Minako and the others in the waiting room sadly watched the adorable looking babies being transferred away without their mothers by their side, leaving an unsettling feel around the room. Those babies were undeniably having some health problems, leading to Minako quickly prayed that Hiroko will made it safely and a completely healthy child will be blessed to the Katsuki family. Let it worth all the efforts Hiroko did for the sake of the baby and don’t ever waste anything from it, please give her the beautiful baby she deserved to, she silently wished.

Toshiya came out from the labour room, much to Minako and Mari’s surprise. “How is it!?”

He didn’t say anything, but he smiled brightly and raised a thumb up. Those simple gestures alone have already meant so many things.

“It’s a boy!”

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Hiroko smiled fondly at the newborn baby being cradled in her arms; those large brown eyes looked back at her while innocently sucking his little fingers. She stroked his damp black hair whereas Toshiya, Mari and Minako stood around the bed admiring the baby. The baby only looked around and blinked upon the smiles greeting his birth to the world.

“What a cute baby!” Minako exclaimed, wiping her happy tears with almost a boxful of tissues as she peered closer. “He exactly looks like you, Hiroko!”

“Why thank you Minako-senpai,” Hiroko gave her son a slight rocking. “I’m glad Kami-sama blessed us with such a beautiful and healthy baby.”

Mari was equally delighted, Hiroko was quick to notice. “Do you want to hold your baby brother, Mari? Here.”

Hiroko extended her arms to hand the baby to her eldest child; the latter instantly shook her head and hands in refusal. “I can’t, Okaa-san! I could’ve dropped him!”

The baby looked so small and fragile as if he was made of glass, leading to his sister being afraid to try holding him. But she did try to touch him, moving her shaking forefinger closer to him. In return the baby grabbed her finger with his small fist and gave it a tight grip. She observed the baby with fascination.

“Have you decided a name for him?” Mari asked, her eyes still fixed on her baby brother’s grip of her finger.

“Yuuri,” Toshiya briefly responded, then writing something on a piece of paper and flipped it over for Mari and Minako to see. “This is how his name is written.”

勝生 勇利 (Katsuki Yuuri)

Minako was quite confused at the unisex name being picked for the baby. “Hmm? This is not how it’s usually written…”

“You see that I’m using the word ‘courage’ (勇) here in his name?”  Hiroko pointed on the paper; Minako just faithfully listened while nodding.

“We met a fortune teller that day, she said our baby will grow up into a very important and influential person someday!” Toshiya proudly announced.

“Really?” Mari and Minako retorted together in disbelief. It sounded too good to be true, a slight doubt was apparent on their faces.

“I still can’t forget the fortune teller’s face when she said that,” Hiroko added, “she also said it was the first time she met a baby like this!”

The meeting with the fortune teller was still fresh in Hiroko’s mind, which she happily recalled as soon mentioned by Toshiya.

_“Is that true!?” Toshiya and Hiroko yelped altogether._

_“I am telling the truth! Your baby will be born under a very rare star. He will become very famous – no, he will have the qualities of a king!”_

She continued on. “Hence, we wanted to give him a name he truly deserves.  Katsuki Yuuri, also can be read as ‘Born with the Courage to Win’.”

Toshiya flashed a broader grin. “Besides, if we remove生 and 勇in his names it will read as勝利 (victory)! Sounds majestic for somebody who’s going to stand on top of the world, am I right?”

“Yes it is!” Minako clapped her hands. “I don’t usually believe in this kind of thing but I wish it is true!”

 “That’s no fair, I wanna a grandiose name too!” Mari angrily tapped her foot on the floor and pouted.

“Don’t be like that, Mari is a good name!” Toshiya attempted to console his daughter who began to sulk, patting her head next to Minako.

Baby Yuuri fell asleep shortly afterwards. He leaned his head on Hiroko’s chest with his fingers still inside his mouth, his chest puffing up and down as he breathed. Minako saw this and she raised her forefinger to her mouth, signalling Toshiya and Mari to keep their voices down, not disturbing the soundly sleeping Yuuri. Hiroko lowered her head to plant a kiss on Yuuri’s forehead.

“Happy birthday, Yuuri. Thank you for being born.”

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The second time Yuuri had his birthday was the moment where he turned a year old. Typical for a baby in the family everyone showered him with mountains of gifts, his relatives bought him some baby clothes and toys, some friends of Toshiya and Hiroko prepared an additional supply of diapers and milk. After Yuuri was born Hiroko wished she could split herself so she can manage the inn without problems while taking care of Yuuri at the same time, her baby was keeping her busy for all the time with the constant need of breastfeeding him, bathing him, changing his diapers, et cetera... Nevertheless, their business went well – it was said that a baby was always a blessing.

Hiroko felt it was like she had given birth to Yuuri yesterday, but her baby grew up fast. She still remembered Mari frantically running to the kitchen while she was cooking some curry on the stove. “Okaa-san! Okaa-san!!”

Hiroko turned her head and looked at her daughter through her shoulder, “What’s wrong, Mari?”

“Yuuri! It’s Yuuri!” Mari said between puffs of breaths. “Yuuri is…!”

Judging by the shock in Mari’s face, Hiroko began to panic. She almost dropped the ladle. “Yuuri!? What happened to him!?”

The mother of two already heard too much things from the news, depressing things happening to babies especially when they were unsupervised. Too much misfortune could happen to Yuuri who was still too small and fragile like hurting himself or eating something bad; Hiroko doesn’t want any of it to torment Yuuri but her head kept dawdling back and forth to the worst possible outcomes.

But the expression of shock Mari showed quickly shifted to happiness, “Yuuri is standing on his two feet! You won’t believe me!”

“Really!?” Hiroko exclaimed, as Mari’s smile became contagious. “Mari, don’t scare me like that!”

The two left the kitchen and sped towards the living room where Yuuri was playing. Mari was right; the infant was standing on the floor without holding on something for support. He was 18 months old during that time, Hiroko was worried of his slow progress to walk but now he showed himself capable of walking independently, he was a perfectly normal and healthy child indeed. When Yuuri saw Hiroko, a toothless smile was chimed on his face. He hastened his steps making his way to his mother and anticipated a cuddling from her. Hiroko picked her baby up and hugged him tightly in her arms.

“Oh, thank God! My baby is walking!” Hiroko rewarded Yuuri with a kiss on the cheek.

Toshiya came running into the living room. “What’s all this commission? I swear I heard Mari screaming!”

“Dear, our son is walking at last!” Hiroko bent herself to put Yuuri down. “Look!”

First the sight of Yuuri standing baffled Toshiya, then Hiroko held the baby’s hand in hers and led him to walk whereas he followed his mother to whichever direction she went akin to a clueless little duckling. The generally cheerful young man clapped his hands in enthusiasm. He grabbed a camcorder and started recording his son’s achievement.

Hiroko expected somebody would be equally thrilled of this news. She dialled a number through her phone, “Minako-sempai, guess what? Yuuri’s finally walking!”

 _“Are you serious!?”_ Minako shrieked, she almost screamed. _“I’m coming there right away!”_

Minako loved Yuuri and Mari like her own children, the Katsukis treated her as if a part of the family, if not for pitying the single woman who was yet to be married despite of her beautiful looks. After the former professional ballerina retired she mainly worked as a ballet instructor and opening her own bar as her sources of income. After Mari and Yuuri were born the loneliness that lurked deep beneath her heart was eased a little bit, she began to visit Yutopia inn more frequent.

“Lookie here Yuuri~! I’ve got something for you sweetie!” Minako shoved a small book with hard cover to Yuuri, he took it and flipped some pages open. A lot of colourful pictures spreading on the pages and hiragana characters that Yuuri was yet able to read written on them. It was a children’s book consisting of several short stories and fables.

“Happy 2nd birthday!”

“Now Yuuri, what you should say to her?” Hiroko asked, placing her hands on Yuuri’s shoulders.

“Thank… you.” He said while still holding the book, and bowed his head to Minako just as his parents had always taught him. He recently developed the ability to talk, though only capable of mouthing simple words and sentences.

“Yuuri’s such a good boy!” Minako grabbed the child into her arms and smooched him on the cheeks hard. “He’s so smart!”

“Hiroko, Yuuri is so cute! Can I bring him home?”

“Sure, but please take a good care of my baby boy! Be careful, he’s a little bit too shy.”

Yuuri and Minako became closer to each other afterwards; he started to learn ballet from her as he turned 3 years old after watching her handling her classes, and was generally interested in dancing at a very young age.  At the age of 5, little Yuuri started to learn figure skating as recommended by Minako who was an avid fan of it, she started to see some potential in him. Maybe what had been foreseen about his future was right all along?

Perhaps, if Yuuri could’ve lived longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this fic to my beloved one who had just recently passed away, may he rest in peace. I’ll miss his warmth in my arms forever.
> 
> I deeply apologize for any inaccuracies depicted in this fic, I’ll try to portray the subject matter as realistic as possible.


	2. Chapter 2

“HANDS OFF!”

Mari swung her schoolbag with all might to a teenage boy’s head, smacking him hard. His knees fell onto the ground and he writhed in pain. The other boys trembled at her sight despite being a girl, but they found her too scary. Or rather, because she was years older than them. The boys eventually ran away leaving a frustrated Mari and a crying Yuuri behind.

“Don’t you ever bully my brother again you jerks! Or else I’ll spank you all with a shovel!”

The 5-year-old Yuuri stopped crying, but he still cannot hold away the sobs from coming out. Mari gave him a piggyback ride and walked on. “Shh, it’s okay now. I’ve beaten them for you!”

“Mari-neechan, I’m sorry…” Yuuri sobbed, burying his face into his sister’s back. ”I’m too weak…”

“No you’re not,” Mari consoled him. “Those boys are larger than you, of course you can’t fight back. They are the actual weaklings.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong…” Yuuri tightened his grip around Mari. “I never even bothered them in the first place.”

“Because they are the bad guys! Look, Yuuri. They’re bullying you to make themselves think they are strong, which is a coward move in actual fact.”

Mari grinned viciously, but Yuuri didn’t see it. “Keep in mind that we got a very large shovel at home. Otou-san used it to shoo off a rabid dog last month, remember? That’ll teach them a good lesson if they bullied you again.”

“But I can’t have you to save me all the time.”

She wouldn’t let any of these negative thoughts from slowly deteriorating her brother inside and crushing his self-esteem.  “Yuuri, Yuuri, Yuuri… It’s my responsibility as your sister, and like I said you’re not weak. I have to protect you because I love you from the bottom of my heart. I’ll gladly to be hit by a bus in place of you.”

Yuuri doesn’t seem to be convinced. Mari continued, “having somebody to protect has nothing to do whether they are weak or not. It’s just you cared for them so much to the point you can’t bear to see them getting hurt or humiliated. For the sake of keeping them safe and happy, you have to protect them from harm.”

“So it’s okay if I can’t defend myself?” Yuuri lifted his chin up, quite perplexed. “It’s not like Okaa-san, Otou-san and Mari-neechan can always be by my side if something happens.”

“It’s a bold decision to defend yourself, but it’s something you can’t do every single time. You’ll need help from others too,” Mari moved sideways to dodge a large boulder before her. That was close. “It can’t be helped, Yuuri. This world is a too scary place to live. Evildoers will never cease to exist. It’s not just bullying – there’s kidnapping, murder, abuse, terrorism…”

Yuuri started to change the topic when he saw Mari wasn’t heading to the usual pathway to their home. “Where are we going, Mari-neechan?”

“We’re going to pay Baa-chan a visit!”

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Katsuki Hotaru, Toshiya’s mother and the grandmother of Yuuri and Mari was living by her own in a small house near the woods and hills in Hasetsu. She used to live with her late husband, now she was alone so Toshiya invited her to move into Yutopia Inn and live altogether with the Katsuki family, but she politely refused – saying she can take care of herself and doesn’t want to be a burden to them. Still, he sent monthly allowances to her as she was too old to work in order to survive. The Katsukis frequently paid her a visit; they knew she was hiding her loneliness beneath those gentle eyes of hers.

“Baa-chan~! Are you there?”

Mari entered the wooden house, pushing the paper sliding door open and took off her shoes whereas Yuuri followed her from behind. An elderly lady in her 70s craned her neck from the kitchen to peep into the hallways, to catch her beloved grandchildren in her house. Her chest puffed up with delight.

“Mari, Yuuri!” Hotaru left the kitchen and marched to the entrance, merrily greeting the siblings. “Yuuri! What happened to you, my child!?”

Yuuri’s clothes were covered in dirt and a bump was spotted on his forehead. His eyes were red from excessive crying. Yuuri didn’t reply anything; instead he sheepishly looked at his toes and crossed his arms behind him. Mari answered their grandmother’s question for him whilst cracking her fists in anger.

“Who’s doing this to my poor grandchild!?” Hotaru cupped Yuuri’s face in her hands and looked at him closer. “Not my Yuuri!”

“Some jerks bullied him. But don’t worry; I’ve taken care of them!”

“My, your guts reminded me of how your father was like when he’s at your age. You took everything after him, not only his looks!” Hotaru cackled.  “Aww Yuuri, my poor little bean. How could they do this to you.”

“Let me kiss the pain away,” Hotaru said, before kissing Yuuri’s bump at his forehead, the child turned pink in return. She sang, “Pain, pain, go away!”

What it seemed to be a very mundane thing did help to soothe Yuuri’s heart, he felt better. Once he caught Hotaru’s face in his eyes again, he discovered where Toshiya got his usual warm and friendly smiles from. It’s too rare to see his grandmother having nothing expressed on her face but a happiness-inducing smile.

“You two must be hungry, right? Lunch is ready now, come and eat with me!”

The siblings then gathered at the dining table with their grandmother, on top of it was three glasses of water, three pairs of chopsticks, two bowls of rice served with a piece of breaded meat and a smaller bowl containing the same dish. They expressed gratitude for the food first before they started dining.

“Hmm! Your cooking is so delicious, Baa-chan!” Mari exclaimed. “I love how you made the pork so crunchy and juicy!”

Hotaru was slightly surprised. “Really? But I think your mother is a better cook than me.”

“No, it’s so tasty, Baa-chan.” Yuuri already finished his meal as he spoke. “Umm… Can I have seconds?”

“Sure thing! Here you go, sweetheart.”

Watching her grandson eating and complimenting her cooking was too satisfying. Yuuri loved food so much, no wonder he looked so chubby. Hotaru recalled the day where she held the newborn Yuuri in her arms, slowly growing into the Yuuri she was seeing now. She couldn’t help but wonder; will she ever live long enough to see Yuuri wearing a high school uniform? Or attending his wedding? Seeing him happily married and blessed with children?

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It was another night where Hotaru sat at the back of her house, silently watching her lawn. The carps in the fishpond were acting calm; a ripple was barely seen on the water surface. It reflected the darkened sky laced with full moon and thousands of little twinkling stars. Every time it turned summer, there was a sight she would never miss on every night. Unknowingly this was a routine she kept doing since she was little at the same old wooden house. But there was a single difference between the past and now, in the present. It was not the fact she had become an old, wrinkly lady who lost a lot of things from her youth.

“Baa-chan?”

Her ears caught a familiar voice coming from the main door. She strangely felt touched all sudden. “Yuuri!”

“What brings you here at this hour?” She came, rushing towards the door.

“I just came back from my skating class.” Yuuri bent down to take off his shoes. “On the way home, I thought of visiting you for a sec.”

Hotaru saw bruises on the child’s feet, she deeply sighed. She knew it was from skating even though she never had skated before, let alone trying to wear those sinister-looking knife shoes – looked like it was capable of decapitating someone’s head. But Yuuri seemed to be walking just fine without signs of pain, maybe she shouldn’t worry too much.

“I’m glad to hear that.” She stroked Yuuri’s hair and brushed it aside from his face. The child was drenched in sweat top to bottom, his hair was quite damp.

Now that Yuuri’s here, she was reminded of something. “Yuuri, come to the backyard with me!”

Hotaru grabbed Yuuri’s hand and walked to the back of her house, Yuuri followed her without any questions. They exited the house through the backdoor, later Yuuri was feasted with a view he had never seen before; he widened his eyes in awe upon the scene before him. Hotaru’s lawn was certainly one of a kind.

“Pretty…!” Yuuri gasped, his hand still holding his grandmother’s.

The moon and the stars were not the only ones shining. Tiny specks of yellow-coloured light floating and flying around the lawn, some of them landing on grasses and small plants. It was not bright enough to lighten up the dark, but still a mesmerizing beauty to be presented nonetheless.

“Do you know what they are, Yuuri?” Hotaru asked. She and her grandchild sat down on the porch.

“Fireflies!” he blurted out. Yuuri’s eyes were still fixed on the scenery. “I only see them in television!”

“Fireflies are like magical beings. It is said that they are the souls of the people who died in the war.” She briefly explained one of her favourite creatures. “Seeing them is bliss!”

She talked more about fireflies, Yuuri attentively listened. “The sad thing is, fireflies have a short life span – they only live for two months at most.”

“Remember, my child. You should live like the fireflies. Their lives don’t last long, but they exist solely to shine beautifully – it’s pointless to live for hundred years being good for nothing.” Hotaru advised, Yuuri nodded in response. “But I’m sure Yuuri is going to be a great person someday, like the prophecy said.”

“You know, this is the reason why I can’t live in Yutopia with you all. I’m reluctant to leave these guys alone.” She leaned her back against the wooden wall. “I can’t find anywhere else like this place. Firefly viewing is very important to me.”

“Why is that?” Yuuri inquired, out of curiosity.

“These fireflies make me happy. And I get to share this moment with others – my parents, my siblings, my friends, your late Jii-chan and your father too. That’s what makes this special.”

“My father was the one who started this routine, we both loved it so much. He used to watch fireflies with me while we wait for my mother to finish preparing dinner.” She sounded nostalgic. “But I don’t get to spend longer times with him.”

She continued, “My father promised me he will come home after the war. But he didn’t. While watching fireflies, I waited and waited for his return. I gave up after realizing it was taking too long.”

“I think he did, Baa-chan.” Yuuri tried to console his grandmother, her tone was obviously sad. “Maybe your father is one of these fireflies?”

As Yuuri said that, a firefly flied towards the porch. It landed on Hotaru’s palms, still emitting flickering light from its lower abdomen. She couldn’t help but smile as she remembered what she had just taught him about fireflies. “You’re right, Yuuri.”

“But now Jii-chan is gone, you’re watching fireflies alone by yourself. Isn’t that hurt, Baa-chan?”

No one wanted to be alone all the time, even for introverts like Yuuri. Loneliness was so dangerous for the elderly, she was painfully aware of it. Just like the rest of the Katsukis, Yuuri was able to see through the lonesomeness she thought she had magnificently hidden in her heart. It was going to take a toll on her health soon.

“I’m not alone.”

Hotaru gently pulled Yuuri closer, wrapped her arms around her grandson and hugged him. “Whenever I’m watching fireflies here, I’m always with my beloved ones.”

“Someone who I love so much is watching fireflies with me now, and he’s right here, in my arms.”

It’s been a while since she cried in front of somebody else. But Yuuri didn’t notice her tears, he was completely unaware since he was being hugged and it was too dark for him to see it. It felt so good to bask in other person’s warmth after being deprived of it for so long. She stroked her grandson’s hair and fondly rocked him back and forth.

“Thank you for being born, Yuuri.” She tightened the hug, trying to hold him as close as possible.

“Anyway, Baa-chan…”

“Hmm?”

Hotaru pulled away in reluctance to let Yuuri go, her grandson directly looked into her eyes. “Your food that day was so delicious, Baa-chan! It’s the first time I’ve tasted such meal!”

“You mean the katsudon I cooked for you and Mari?” She stared back at him. “That’s the best thing I can cook, fortunately.”

“Katsudon? So that’s what it called?” Yuuri’s stomach began to growl just thinking of it. “I really love it, Baa-chan!”

It’s a chance for Hotaru to spoil Yuuri more and make him stay a little longer before he’s going back home. “Now, would you like some katsudon for dinner? I’ll gladly cook it for you.”

“Sure!”

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Two months had passed. Yuuri visited Hotaru’s house again but this time with Toshiya and Hiroko, Mari couldn’t come along since she was attending a tuition class. They called for Hotaru, but no response was achieved. It seemed like she’s not at home at this moment, but that was an unusual thing for her. After a series of unanswered calls, they decided to pay her a visit. They had no choice but to step into her house, only to find her sleeping in a sitting position in the living room. Everything seemed to be harmless in her house, but for some reasons Yuuri’s parents was panicking.

“Mother?” Hiroko slowly approached Hotaru. Unlike her regular appearance, the old woman was pale like a ghost; her hands were cold and stiff. “Oh no, dear! Mother is…!”

Yuuri saw a small box on his grandmother’s lap. Her hand was holding a pair of scissors; on the floor beside her were a roll of ribbon, cellophane tape and some colourful papers that people usually used for wrapping gifts. Hotaru must’ve fallen asleep in the middle of wrapping that box on her lap. Yuuri picked the box up and opened it to find a cute hand-knit dog plushie inside, probably knitted by Hotaru herself.

“No, mother! Please, stay with us!” Toshiya frantically urged. His mother was not breathing.

“Mother, we’re here for you!” Hiroko began to sob. “We never have forgotten you, I swear!”

Toshiya roughly shook the unmoving Hotaru, “She’s right! I’m sorry for leaving you alone; this time I won’t make it happen again! Please don’t do this to us!”

Yuuri was still too young and naive. He whispered, “Otou-san, Okaa-san, shush… Baa-chan’s asleep; we shouldn’t have bothered her…”

Both Toshiya and Hiroko gawked at Yuuri with tear-filled eyes. Yuuri added, “Baa-chan looked so peaceful and calm, I think it’s best to let her asleep. She had been working alone all this time so we must let her rest, don’t you think? She fell asleep while trying to wrap this box.”

Yuuri didn’t expect his parents to find his words were having a deeper meaning, though constructed with simple words like a normal child would say. To him Hotaru was just tired and she fell asleep so they shouldn’t make a fuss over it. Even Yuuri himself will get angry if someone disturbed his beauty sleep especially after being so tired.

On top of the box was a card, it smelled nice. Something was written on it in hiragana, which Yuuri was able to read as he learned from kindergarten. No doubt, it was Hotaru’s handwriting. While his parents began to break down and crying their eyes out which he saw for the first time, Yuuri read the message engraved on the card.

_To my dearest and beloved grandson, Happy 6 th Birthday. Baa-chan will always love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I wonder how many people would read this fic. Lots are into fluff and AUs, while this fic is filled with angst from start to finish :P Maybe some readers who are suckers for angst, or just enjoy Yuuri suffering in general. Poor Yuuri.
> 
> To be honest, I’m not the kind of person who enjoys character deaths. Because usually one character is killed only for the sole reason of making you sad, and as a writer I find it a bad reason to kill them. It’s okay if you didn’t cry while reading this fic because it’s not my intention when writing this fic anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

Losing someone he held dear to wasn’t a pleasant experience to Yuuri.

Realizing that his grandmother was gone was already painful enough, moreso seeing Hotaru’s body being placed in a coffin. Then the coffin was set into fire to cremate her, which Yuuri couldn’t bear himself to look at and clung to Hiroko’s side for dear life throughout the funeral. What remained of his grandmother now was a small jar of ashes currently residing at the home shrine in his house.

Hiroko knew well enough that it was too much for Yuuri to cope with. She was feeling the same, but she tried to cheer her son up. As a mother she’s very good at playing the role of the heart of the family. “Are you hungry, Yuuri?”

Yuuri didn’t have his breakfast before the funeral started, and now an hour had passed since noon. A perfect time for lunch. His appetite was low, but his stomach was hurting as if begging to be filled with food as soon as possible. He nodded without saying anything, still gloomy-faced.

“What do you want to eat? I’ll cook anything for you!”

“Katsudon,” spontaneously came out from his mouth.

A dilemma struck Hiroko hard, it’s a double-edged sword. She don’t know whether the outcome it would bring was good or bad to Yuuri – it may make Yuuri happier since it’s his favourite food, but at the same time it had brought him and his grandmother together, so it will strongly remind him of her and becoming more affected by her death.

“Okaa-san,” Yuuri snapped Hiroko out from her indecisiveness. “I want katsudon.”

Hiroko was weakened by those large and glassy brown eyes; she obeyed him in the end. But she only prepared for Yuuri’s portion, instead of joining him for lunch she’ll just watch him eat. The bowl of katsudon was steaming hot in front of him on the dining table. Picking the severed piece of breaded pork cutlet wrapped with fried egg and some rice by chopsticks, he carefully blew it before putting the food into his mouth.

“Delicious…” he uttered as he chewed, but at the same time tears was dribbling down his chubby cheeks. A wide array of emotions being too complicated for him to bear.

A woman’s intuition was always right. Hiroko wrapped her arms around Yuuri, giving him a side hug. She buried her face into her son’s hair and deeply inhaled, smelling of children’s fruity shampoo and Yuuri. Yuuri carried on eating silently while letting his tears falling down every second. He ate all the katsudon without leaving any leftovers in the bowl.

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A year had passed since Hotaru’s death. Yuuri was a strong child; he got over the loss of his grandmother faster than any of the Katsukis expected. He’s going to turn 7 soon. Now he had perfected his skating skills, he thought of showing it to his family. He strode to the reception desk where his father usually was, and found him talking to the phone taking some reservations from his costumers. He seemingly wouldn’t stop, so Yuuri headed to the kitchen to find his mother instead.

“Okaa-san,” Yuuri tugged Hiroko’s sleeves. “Can you come to Ice Castle with me for today?”

“I afraid I can’t, Yuuri.” Her eyes were focused on the dishes she was washing in the sink. “I got my hands full today, maybe later?”

Yuuri was disappointed. “But you promised you will last time. You’re not going to come again?”

“I’m sorry, sweetie. You should go ask Otou-san then in place of me.”

“Otou-san’s on the phone now, I can’t talk to him.” Yuuri made a sour face. “I wish Baa-chan is still alive…”

Hotaru almost dropped a ceramic plate into the sink, her hands was slippery from the frothy dish soap. But that was not the case. Before, Hotaru frequently accompanied Yuuri to Ice Castle which she and Toshiya never did for their son. She had someone else in her mind instead.

“What about Minako-senpai?”

“She’s on break now, so no ballet class for today.” Yuuri included, “I don’t think I can ask her.”

“Go ask Mari then,” she suggested, ended up with a slight guilt.

“Okay.”

Yuuri tiptoed to Mari’s room and peeked through the door crack. The tomboyish girl had posters of famous rock bands attached on the walls; her bed was set with plain-looking sheets unlike most girls who normally love to have it pink or some cutesy cartoon characters a la Hello Kitty, or with floral patterns and soft colours. Mari was sitting at her desk, reading a book and a pencil in her hand.

Yuuri entered the room without knocking. Not like Mari would mind anyway. “Mari-neechan.”

“Hmm? What is it, Yuuri?” Mari said, still not putting the pencil down and eyes still focused on the book and some notes on the table.

“Let’s go to Ice Castle with me,” Yuuri plead, tugging his sister’s sleeves. “I’m trying to land a jump. You have to see it!”

“I can’t, Yuuri. I need to pass this test,” Mari rejected his invitation. “My bad, Yuuri.”

No one in the Katsuki family can fulfil Yuuri’s request, he felt dejected. He left the room, leaving Mari with her revision. “Sorry for intruding.”

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Yuuri wondered why he got tired so easily these days. His legs was going to collapse only from doing figures, his head was painfully throbbing. He only had just started a few minutes ago, he’s not usually like this and he could actually go on longer due to the stamina he had. Probably a 5 minute break will help. He glided on the ice towards the rinkside and took off his skates, taking a seat on the nearest bench. Thankfully there’s no ballet class today, Yuuri sighed in relief. Whereas taking a break, he watched the ones skating on the ice.

“Eeekk! Mama, I’m falling!”

A girl around Yuuri’s age was stumbling on her skates. Her mother held her from behind for her support. “Don’t be scared, Mama got you! Come on, you can do it! Skate!”

There were other children too, skating while holding their parents’ hands. Some lovey-dovey couples intimately held each other as they skated. Some teens skated with their fellow friends while giggling. And the rest were people who can’t skate, doomed to hug the walls to help them at least made a loop around the ice. A boy who was older than Yuuri by years, fell face first on the ice and his friends laughed at him. They all clearly were happy.

None of them gave the impression of being unaccompanied while coming to Ice Castle. Everyone at least had someone with them, unlike Yuuri. If only his family was here too…

 “Yuuri-kun?”

A gentle voice greeted Yuuri, simultaneously with a cute red-headed girl entered Yuuri’s field of vision. Yuuri jumped from his seat out of shock. “Y-Yuu-chan!?”

It’s Yuuko. The girl Yuuri had a crush on! “What’s wrong, Yuuri-kun? You look sad.”

Yuuri tried to crack a smile, “It’s nothing, really! I’m just tired!”

“Is that so?” she said, doubting Yuuri’s words.

Yuuko taking a seat on the same bench Yuuri was seated on was enough to make his heart succumb to several leaps. His heart almost stopped as she inched closer to him, being so close that their shoulders touched. His face turned varying shades of red; he cannot look at her in the eyes. She was the cutest girl Yuuri had ever met in Hasetsu.

“Are you okay, Yuuri-kun?” she concernedly questioned.

“I-I’m fine. W-Why d-do you ask?” Yuuri said, forgetting how to speak properly. His tongue slipped on some words.

“You don’t look fine to me.” Yuuko cupped Yuuri’s cheeks in her gloved hands, checked on his face thorough. He blushed; she was too close like she was going to kiss him. “You look so pale, it scared me.”

Yuuri couldn’t believe it himself; he had no idea what Yuuko was saying. “I am?”

“Ehh? What is this?” she inadvertently muttered, her eyes still on Yuuri.

Yuuko spotted a lump on Yuuri’s neck; it was small but too large to be a mosquito bite or some sort of it. It’s something Yuuri never noticed. His hand reached for the lump and felt it; something was swelling in his neck indeed. It could be a bump or a bruise but he didn’t feel any pain while touching it. The lump was hard, unevenly shaped and immobile.

“Are you sure that you are fine, Yuuri-kun?” Yuuko firmly held Yuuri’s hand in hers, much to his embarrassment. “Should we go to the clinic or something?”

“No, I’m okay!”

 A flustered Yuuri put on his skates and fled to the ice faster than the speed of light. To prove to Yuuko that he only needed a fair amount of rest, he continued practicing by doing figures again. He was full of energy which was convincing enough to Yuuko, though.  Or Yuuko herself refused to worry too much, ignoring her gut feelings. Who knows?

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Today Yuuri woke up early in the morning; his persistent headaches were acting up again. Him getting a lack of sleep was unlikely, so maybe he was just hungry. It’ll be better after he had taken his breakfast. He changed from his pyjamas and grabbed his schoolbag, ready for school. Strange, no matter how much he ate the headaches were still there. He swallowed some advils and thankfully the pain was gone. The day went normally for him, after school he just had his lunch and was going to attend Minako’s ballet class, followed by skating practice in Ice Castle.

“Yuuri, no!” Minako clapped her hands once, telling him to stop. “You’re doing it wrong!”

“I am?” Yuuri asked, out of breath.

Minako turned the radio off, putting a halt on her ballet lesson much to Yuuri’s puzzlement. She doesn’t know why, but she thought it was best to end today’s session. Yuuri gave her the impression that he couldn’t go on anymore, with all the mistakes he did today – probably he was having a problem. She left the room and returned with a plastic tray containing a jug of freshly squeezed lemonade, two glasses and a bowl of snacks.

“Here you go,” Minako handed a glass of lemonade to her student.

“Thanks!”

Yuuri gulped the lemonade down his throat; he was thirstier than he thought. The lemonade was cold and refreshing; especially it was made with sparkling water instead of regular water. “This is good, Minako-sensei!”

“Glad you like it.” Minako took a sip. “I had to stop today’s lesson because I don’t think you can hold up any longer. Tell me Yuuri, are you alright?”

“I’m fit like a fiddle!” Yuuri lied. His headaches from this morning just had returned.

The good thing was Minako seeing through Yuuri’s poorly-made lies and refused to continue the class after he insisted. And she wouldn’t give in to Yuuri’s stubborn nature either, as she was more concerned of his wellbeing than his performance in her class. In the end, Yuuri gave up. Probably indulging himself with appetizing refreshments provided by Minako caused him to felt a bit lazy.

Yuuri suddenly thought of something to kill time. “Minako-sensei, I have a riddle for you! I’ve just learned it from school!”

“Aww, I’m bad with riddles.” Minako refilled her emptied glass with more lemonade. “What is it?”

“I am very light yet I become a heavy burden when you hold me. I’m the organ that keeps you alive but I’m outside your body. I love to play hard-to-get and soon you’ll lose me so easily. What am I?”

Riddles in general were impossible to solve and no one but the creator knew the answer. No one immediately knew the answer as soon they heard the question unlike how it’s always portrayed in those cheesy hard-boiled detective novels. And riddles were incredibly annoying because of the way they fuck with minds and the most unexpected answers they will bring.

“What’s the answer?” Minako’s head was going to explode from this. She prepared herself for the incoming plot twist that definitely lied within the answer as riddles tend to be.

“Money.”

Quite the deep stuff there, especially an adult like Minako who was more experienced about how the world worked than Yuuri was. Only the ones who had a taste of adulthood would understand the importance of money to life and how hard it took for someone to obtain it. So elementary schools teach truly philosophical and heavy themes like this to kids nowadays??  And to think Yuuri was only a first grader, this was too early for him to know. Minako thought learning in elementary schools was filled with nothing but rainbows and sunshine!

“Really, Yuuri!?” Minako choked on her drink. “What did kids like you learn in school these days?? Quantum Physics???”

“Now I understand why Otou-san and Okaa-san have to work so hard everyday,” Yuuri slowly took another sip. “All of it for the sake of our living.”

Everyone knew that money was not the answer for everything. It’s just a piece of paper made of the same substances yet it worth differently. It cannot fulfil mankind’s needs for food, water, shelter, health, safety, happiness and love but for some reasons it was still needed to survive. Trying to live without a single penny in pocket was a dare nobody will attempt.

“That’s why up to this day, they can’t come to Ice Castle to see me skate.” Yuuri’s face soured, “To think I could land a jump now…”

It’s always been like this. Yuuri even barely seeing his parents from the time he woke up in the morning until he went to bed at night, unless during meal times with them. She understood Yuuri’s disappointment as he wanted to make his parents proud of him; she was already an exceptional ballerina when she was at Yuuri’s age so it’s something she could relate with.

Minako wanted to help him. “I’ll go and talk to them later, then.”

 “No, you can’t! It’s not their fault,” Yuuri shook his head in disapproval.

“Yuuri,” Minako held Yuuri’s shoulders in her hands. “Their work is no excuse for not spending more time with you. There’s a difference between work to live and live to work!”

“It’s okay, Sensei. I don’t think we should bother them. I’m used to going to Ice Castle alone by myself.”

“Not anymore! Tomorrow, I’m coming to Ice Castle with you.” Minako placed her hand on Yuuri’s forehead, checking his temperature. “And how are you going to skate like this? You’re burning! You should go home and get plenty of rest!”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier that you’re sick? I could’ve just cancelled my class!” Minako scolded a stuttering Yuuri who did nothing but feebly listened in fright. “Something bad can happen to you and I don’t want that!”

Just as Yuuri was going to leave the studio, Minako gave him a final warning. Her motherly instincts were strangely acting up fiercer than usual. “Remember, you shouldn’t skate until you get better! You hear me?”

“O-okay…”

Yuuri didn’t do just as Minako told him to, ignoring her advice. As soon he left Minako’s place, he headed to Ice Castle to resume his skating practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is greatly stressing me as I am constantly worrying about my future and my possible career, and fulfilling others’ expectations of me too -_-;; I wish money grows on trees.


	4. Chapter 4

Behind the glass in a small room, Takeshi and Yuuko watched Yuuri skated alone on the ice in puzzlement. All of the visitors had left a few hours ago, only Yuuri remained in Ice Castle since 5 PM in the evening. The two children couldn’t decide whether they were amazed by the boy’s fortitude or dismayed by his stubbornness, especially when Yuuri wasn’t showing signs of stopping his skating. Now it was almost 11 PM, nearing the closing hours of Ice Castle soon. A tall, red-headed adult was in the room, also watching Yuuri with Takeshi and Yuuko – he was Yuuko’s father and the owner of Ice Castle.

“It’s getting late,” Yuuko’s father crossed his arms in concern facing the glass. “That boy is still skating at this hour? I wonder where his parents are.”

“That fatty is trying too hard to look cool,” Takeshi snorted in annoyance.

“No he’s not! He’s actually a pretty good skater!” Yuuko raised her voice in defence of Yuuri, Takeshi just shrugged bearing no fear for the older girl.

Yuuko was right about Yuuri and Takeshi was completely aware of that, Yuuko’s father nodded in agreement. He as the owner had watched many people skating and he noticed there was something peculiar about the boy’s skating compared to how normal people would skate, and to think he was still too young. Takeshi’s jealousy of Yuuri’s skating skills explained much of his hostile behaviour towards the latter, since he was younger but more skilled than him.

On the other hand, Yuuri reminisced about what happened this afternoon before going to Minako’s ballet studio whilst gliding on the ice.

_“Okaa-san, you can’t come to Ice Castle again this time?”_

_Hiroko bent down to Yuuri’s eye level and shook her head. “That’s right, Yuuri. I’m so sorry…”_

_“We have a very important guest today, I’m sorry you have to go there alone again.” Toshiya patted his son’s hair trying to gain his forgiveness._

_”Someday, okay? It’s our promise.”_

The task to be done doesn’t need to be so hard in order to be an impossible promise to keep; Yuuri’s parents just had proven that. The word ‘someday’ was a bet made for the uncertain future, can transform itself into ‘never’ depending on how someone’s hopes and optimism can last. Maybe Yuuri shouldn’t ask in the first place, given how busy his parents were all the time. They had more important things in mind and no time for something trivial like Yuuri’s skating, Yuuri thought to himself.

“I can totally do this,” Yuuri braced himself before continuing to skate. “I believe I can.”

At one point Yuuri stopped skating to catch some breath. He was drenched in sweat, holding on his knees to keep standing on his skates and heavily gasped for air. Yuuri was upset with the number of breaks he had to take for today, his energy depleted too quickly. And now his chest was hurting, he clenched his shirt to bear with the numbing pain coupled with his throbbing headaches. Probably Minako was right about him having a fever, but he was sure he won’t die from it. Even Takeshi himself cannot bear to see Yuuri like that any longer. He prodded to Yuuko, urging her to do something as he could’ve said something mean to the younger boy.

 “Yuuko, you should just get out and shoo him already.”

Yuuko knew Takeshi was telling her to do the right decision. When she was going to exit the room, time had paused. She widened her eyes when she saw Yuuri skating in a certain manner; then from the ice he leapt into midair and his whole body rotated three times whilst keeping his arms close to his chest. With a noticeable height up from the ice, he appeared to be soaring in the air without wings – until he tumbled onto the ice and his body rolled into a fetal position. They all froze in place, paralyzed in shock and wonder.

“W-what was that…?” A confused Takeshi was unable to believe what he just saw.

Yuuko desperately clung to her father.  “Yuuri-kun… jumped…?”

“He flubbed the jump, but there’s no mistaking it…” Yuuko’s father was shaking. “That was… a triple axel.”

It was the first time Takeshi and Yuuko witnessing someone performing a triple axel which was not in the television or the Internet. A triple axel being done by a very young child was something you won’t normally see every day, Yuuko’s father remarked. The trio was in a complete daze until they saw Yuuri was not getting up. He was still sprawled on the chilly and freezing ice, unmoving. It sent them a very bad feeling; even Takeshi was equally as nervous. There was no time to be panicked, they left the room altogether and dashed to the ice without putting skates on.

Yuuko’s father flipped Yuuri over, to find red trails flowing from the boy’s nostrils down his chin. They were surprised to see how much he bleed although they didn’t see Yuuri crashing his face onto the ice and if he did, his nose supposed to turn red from the crash. They perfectly saw Yuuri fell on his side instead of face-flat on the ice. Where did all of this blood come from?

“Yuuri-kun!” Yuuko screamed, she cradled Yuuri in her arms and lightly slapped his cheek trying to wake him up. “Please, wake up! Yuuri-kun!!”

“Oi! What the hell is wrong with you!?” Takeshi shook Yuuri by the shoulder but the boy was still out cold. For the first time in his life he saw the boy who’s naturally full of energy being limp and weak, much to his astonishment.

Yuuko’s father checked Yuuri’s breathing and pulse. The boy was too pale, his lips were purple and chapped and his breaths were erratic. Without wasting time, Yuuko’s father hastily picked the unconscious Yuuri up. “We have to get him to the hospital quick. Yuuko, go and call his parents!”

Yuuko nodded. They all left Ice Castle and entered a car; Yuuri was laid in the passenger seat whereas Yuuko and Takeshi were sitting in the backseat. Yuuko’s father buckled the seatbelt for Yuuri’s seat first before him to secure the boy in place and was ready to drive; he could’ve broken the speed limit for the sake of rushing Yuuri to the hospital as fast as possible. Her mobile phone being placed to her ear, Yuuko anxiously waited for Hiroko to answer the call.

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“Yuuri’s not home yet?”

Now it was 3 PM in the afternoon. In the living room, the three Katsukis stared at each other. All three were anticipating an answer from one another, but none of them knew anything. The very important guest had left just now and not many customers came to Yutopia today, so it was less hectic of a day for Toshiya and Hiroko unlike the other days.  They found it very relaxing, not being too tired and having too many things in mind for a day.

“Oh, he has ballet class with Minako-senpai at this time!” Hiroko suddenly remembered. “He’ll come home at 5, for sure.”

Today was a completely different day, not only because Yuuri’s parents were less busy. On the table in the centre surrounded by cushions for sitting was served a whole vanilla cake with white chocolate frosting and decorated with several berries. 7 unlit candles with different colours each stood on the cake and the words ‘Happy Birthday’ was written on it.

Mari lied on the cushions laid on the floor, switching to her phone. “I guess I’ll wait then. I have a surprise for him soon.”

They continued waiting and let the time passed, doing many things to kill time as they waited. Mari on her phone, Toshiya reading a newspaper and Hiroko sewing to fix some damaged uniforms for the workers in the inn. After finished reading the newspaper Toshiya went to the kitchen to grab a drink, when he returned he looked at the clock on the wall.

“It’s almost 6 PM already?”

It was quicker than he expected. As he left, on the table was already crowded with multiple presents and fancily wrapped gifts prepared by the workers. How nice of them. Apart of that the house hadn’t changed much from several hours ago, not when Yuuri was yet to be seen. Toshiya averted his gaze from the clock to Mari; his daughter just raised her palms up to shoulder level.

“Come to think of it, currently it’s time for his skating practice!” Mari said, recognizing her baby brother’s daily routine.

Hiroko agreed. “Yeah, Yuuri will be back when it’s dark. We’ll going to have dinner altogether at 9 PM.”

“Today’s going to be a very special dinner! Yuuri’s going to like it,” Toshiya smiled.

Before having dinner with their children, Toshiya and Hiroko will serve food to the guests who were staying in the inn and doing the cleanup afterwards. And it was also one of the most favoured times for the guests to enjoy the hot springs, some of them were not staying but only for the hot springs – commonly salarymen who wanted to relieve stress after working.

Mari spread her revision sheets and homework on the table in the living room, resuming her studies. She mumbled, “How boring. I can’t wait to eat this delicious cake.”

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9:00 PM

Mari came out from the bathroom feeling refreshed after taking a bath. She walked into the living room drinking chilled coffee milk, finding uninhabited cushions. On the main table was the still untouched cake from this afternoon, thankfully still looking good. Hiroko passed into the room, carrying a tray of bottled wine to be served for the guests.

“Okaa-san, have you seen Yuuri?”

Hiroko paused for a second. “Maybe he’s soaking in the hot springs.”

Maybe her mother was right. At this time he’s usually tired from skating practice so he’ll take a bath first, then they will have dinner afterwards – the only times where the Katsukis were all together were the times for meals. Toshiya and Hiroko’s schedule per day consisted of only four things to be done: waking up, work, eat and sleep.

They all began to notice something was wrong as they gathered at the dining table to have dinner – Yuuri was not there to join them. Toshiya asked one of the workers to search around the inn, he was nowhere to be found and he was not even in his room. Yuuri’s absence in the house drove them all equally restless.

“Where Yuuri had gone to?” Hiroko sadly glanced at the cake and the presents on the table. “Doesn’t he know what kind of day today is…?”

Toshiya looked at the time again, now it was too late that they refused to believe what the clock told them. “Did something happen to him…?”

“He’s at Minako-san’s place, right?!”

Upon Mari’s persuasion, Hiroko dialled the phone to Minako’s number in a heartbeat. Toshiya and Mari patiently watched her, joined by some nosy workers. The person to be called unknowingly became the only source of hope by a number of worried people, and Ice Castle was already closed by this time as far as they knew.

“Minako-senpai, is Yuuri with you now?”

 _“Eh?”_ Minako was surprised to receive such question, _“of course not! Isn’t he supposed to be at home now, at this hour?!”_

Hiroko had her voice choked. “Senpai, he’s not home right now. I thought he is with you…”

Everyone’s expression gloomed even though they were unable to hear Minako’s answer but judging from Hiroko’s face and words, the least wanted outcome was happening. If not at Minako’s ballet studio or the Ice Castle, where else could Yuuri be? Fear of the unknown began to take its atrocious reign.

_“You’ve gotta be kidding me! And to think I’ve sent him out early today because he is sick!”_

“Yuuri is… what?” Hiroko couldn’t believe her ears. Her trembling thumb inadvertently ended the call, her hand holding the phone fell to her side.

“Okaa-san!” Mari grabbed her mother by the arm. “What’s going on?! What happened to Yuuri?!”

Hiroko was paralyzed in shock; she did remember how pale Yuuri looked this morning but she was lightly ignoring it. Toshiya seized the car keys and asked the workers if the police station was still open at this time, the workers nodded since some stations opened 24 hours a day. Hiroko on the other hand received a call from someone which had not bothered him at all; nothing else mattered more than his son’s safety.

 _“Oba-chan, this is Yuuko speaking!”_ Yuuko sobbed through the phone, _“it’s Yuuri-kun! Yuuri-kun is…”_

“Yuuri’s with you?!”

Hiroko set the phone to speaker mode so everyone in the living room could hear. They strained their ears after the mention of Yuuri alarmed them. Toshiya halted his steps to the hallway and remained in the living room; his plan to go to the police station was interrupted. They knew what happened to Yuuri was clearly not good; they wanted to know something they absolutely wouldn’t want to know.

_“Yuuri-kun is in the hospital now! He fainted on the ice all sudden!”_

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This was the same hospital where Yuuri was born.

Yuuko was sitting between her father and Takeshi on a bench in front of the emergency room. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying too much, now she was too tired to cry and silently sobbed instead. Minako and the Katsukis were sitting on the bench at the opposite side. Toshiya had all of his fingers crossed as he hung his head low against the floor, Mari was wailing beside him and Hiroko and Minako held to each other as tight as possible.

“What’s taking them so long??” Takeshi was agitated; he grew more impatient of waiting.

Yuuko moved closer to her father and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Will Yuuri-kun be fine?”

“I’m sure he will,” her father wrapped his arm around her back, patting it. “Yuuri is a strong child, as an adult I really envy his fortitude.”

“Thank you for taking him here,” Toshiya bowed his head in gratitude. Yuuko’s father waved his hand in embarrassment, saying it was nothing.

“What was he doing all this time!?” Minako burst between sobs. “I told him to go home and rest because he was sick!”

“He was practicing a jump. I can see in his eyes that he’s working so hard to nail it,” Yuuko’s father informed them.

_“Mari-neechan, I’m trying to land a jump. You have to see it!”_

Remembering those words felt like Mari’s heart was stabbed with thousands of knives. If only the Katsukis chose to come with him to Ice Castle, Yuuri wouldn’t end up here. She darted her eyes to the digital clock on the wall, showing the current time, day and date. What brought their attention was the chiming sound it made every hour; an upbeat music box was playing from the clock, making a terrible attempt to lighten up the gloom in the waiting room. 12:00 AM, November 30th was displayed on the clock, signifying the arrival of a new day.

It sent dread down Toshiya’s spine who was thoughtful enough to remember his son’s birthday.  All of the plans they had in mind was ruined. A day where it’s supposed to be very special for the Katsukis was wasted just like that. But at least, they prayed, it won’t have a tragic ending. They were looking forward to bringing Yuuri in perfect health altogether with them to home.

A young man clad in white coat and stethoscope around his nape came out from the emergency room, “which of you is his family?”

The Katsukis stood up from the bench and ran towards the doctor in unison. Toshiya grabbed the doctor’s shoulders, “How is my son?! Is he okay?! He’s going to be fine, right?!”

The doctor examined their distraught faces carefully in the waiting room, he lowered his shoulders and casted a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry, sir. I’m really sorry. I hope all of you can accept this with patience. I believe you all are strong enough for this.”

“What do you mean by that?!” Mari screamed at the doctor’s face. “Are you telling us that Yuuri is not okay?!”

The doctor sighed, “How do I explain this… I’m sorry; I have a very bad news for your son.”

Every of the ones waiting in front of the emergency room stared at the doctor, bearing the expressions he knew they naturally would and braced himself to face. He had experienced this for years with different people yet still one of the toughest psychological battles both sides had to brave in.

“It’s leukaemia.”

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Yuuko, her father and Takeshi stood before the large window of a private ward. Yuuko was uncontrollably sobbing in her father’s arms, burying her head into her father’s chest. Takeshi thought he was too manly for this, he sadly watched the Katsukis and Minako gathering around a bed in the ward where Yuuri was soundly sleeping like a baby. His clothes had already been changed into a hospital gown, oxygen tubing attached to his nostrils and an IV infused in his arm.

“Kami-sama, do You really have to punish me like this?” Toshiya wiped his tears with his sleeves. “I’ve already lost my mother, and You’re going to take my son away too…?”

“Yuuri is still so little! I don’t want Yuuri to die!!!”

Mari had her head on top of Yuuri’s stomach, loudly weeping. Her cries were echoed by the walls, but the walls were soundproof so it wouldn’t disturb the other patients in nearby wards, only could be heard in Yuuri’s ward. She tightly gripped her baby brother’s hand as she cried harder.

“Why…?” Hiroko was confused while crying, “Yuuri is sick with cancer all this time and how could I’ve not noticed…?”

“How often you get to see him in a day anyway, Hiroko?!” Minako exclaimed in rage, “…just how much you put your work first ahead from your own son that you barely know what’s happening to him?!”

She continued to scold Hiroko and Toshiya altogether, “Yuuri is still so young and you have no idea how much a child like him needs both of you as his parents while growing up! This is all your fault, Toshiya-san, Hiroko!”

“Just look at him! You’ll never understand how much in pain Yuuri is now, he’s fighting this all by himself! Where are you when he needs you the most?!”

Minako paused to clear her eyes, blurry from excessive tears and wiped her messy face with some tissues. Her words were like deadly poisons to the ears, orchestrating a slow and excruciating pain to the heart, instant death was guaranteed. But Hiroko and Toshiya thought the highly emotional Minako was only telling the truth no matter how hurt it felt.

“I’m sorry…”

Hiroko caressed her son’s hair, she leaned herself downwards to plant a kiss on Yuuri’s pale cheek whereas her fingers entangled in his hair, gripping his hand tight. Her tears fell onto his face as she blinked. Hiroko placed her forehead on Yuuri’s and her nose on her son’s small and delicate nose, closing the distance between them.

“I’m sorry, Yuuri. I’m so sorry…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Yuuri. Unfortunately, this chapter is based on a true story happening to my mother’s friend. She lost her husband who had leukaemia as well; she confessed that she was too busy working that she didn’t know anything about her husband’s wellbeing. May he rest in peace and I wish happiness upon her and her family.


	5. Chapter 5

The Katsukis woke up groggily this morning, settled themselves around the dining table for breakfast. They were still too tired, undecided from either lack of sleep or crying too much. Hiroko cooked and served steamed rice, grilled fish, miso soup and pickled vegetables on the table, she scooped some rice into bowls and placed them in front of each of her family. One bowl of rice ended up in front of an empty seat beside Mari.

“Ah, I forgot.”

Hiroko took the extra bowl of rice and poured its contents back into the rice cooker on the table. It’s something she did out of habit. Usually she will prepare a serving for four people in every morning, now it was reduced to three. Unlike how it’s usually done, they silently dined in the breakfast; the smallest conversations were only held when asking for seconds.

“Today I’m visiting Yuuri first,” Hiroko said, gathering the dirty and empty dishes on the tray after finished eating.

Toshiya gave her a puzzled look. “Didn’t you have a lot to do? No, I’m going first.”

“Dear, you are the one to handle the reservations and the finance! That’s a higher responsibility than mine!”

“I don’t care,” Hiroko’s protest angered him, his fists banged on the table. “I want to see him first and that’s final.”

“No!” she raised her voice towards her husband. “Yuuri must be lonely in the hospital by himself! I have to be there for him! Instead, you should just manage the inn first!”

The situation got heated once Toshiya was angered equally to Hiroko’s level. “Are you telling me to work while I can’t keep Yuuri off from my head!? How could I focus on my work when I’m constantly worrying about him!?”

They agreed to take turns on visiting Yuuri in the hospital while Mari planned to do so right after school. She did nothing but watched her parents arguing detachedly, too depressed to care about anything around her as if her receptors had died down. Sayaka, one of the oldest workers in the inn stepped out from the kitchen to try calming things down.

“It’s because you didn’t pay much attention to our son that he ended up having cancer!” Hiroko began to scream.

Toshiya shot back, “you’re the one to talk! Don’t just put all the blame on me!”

“Umm… Toshiya-san? Hiroko-san?”

Toshiya and Hiroko stopped shouting at each other and glared towards Sayaka for interrupting. She bowed her head as an apology, “I think both of you should go altogether. Don’t worry about the inn; just leave all the work to us.”

The flames of fury in the old married couple’s hearts were cooled down upon hearing Sayaka’s suggestions. More workers began to approach them, “we’re worried about Yuuri-kun too. You should come to his side before it’s too late.”

Hiroko averted her gaze from the workers to Toshiya, after some thoughts and considerations, they both finally nodded in agreement.

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“A.L.L…?”

“It stands for Acute Lymphocytic Leukaemia, which is the type of leukaemia he’s having.”

The doctor from last night took the clipboard hanging from a hook on the bedrails and flipped the papers over, examining Yuuri’s data and records written in it. Kanji letters spelling ‘Shinohara’ was engraved on his name tag clipped to his white coat. Toshiya and Hiroko attentively listened to Dr. Shinohara explaining the details to them.

“It’s a type of leukaemia commonly among children like him.”

Yuuri was still sleeping in the ward, hadn’t woken up as reported by the nurses since yesterday. Hiroko was touching the lump on Yuuri’s neck, one of the symptoms of him having leukaemia which she wished she had noticed earlier. The boy still looked so pale and his skin felt cold to touch like ice, his lips were discoloured and dry. She didn’t recall Yuuri having this many tubes attached to him compared to yesterday.

“He can be cured, right!?”

Toshiya seized the doctor’s hands in his, begging. “Please, save my son no matter what happens! If there’s surgery, I’ll pay for whatever cost even if it will leave me in debts!”

Dr. Shinohara only smiled, it was hard for Toshiya and Hiroko to guess what was actually hidden beneath that smile. Maybe it was out of pity. Or an attempt for consoling them. Or as a reminder that there’s still hope left. Or mocking the two for their desperation. Or even the doctor was also pessimistic himself and he tried to calm down.

“I’m sure he will, and we’re all are going to do our best. You should never stop praying for his survival, in case miracles do happen.”

The best answer Dr. Shinohara could came up with, as a doctor. He knew he couldn’t speak for what kind of fate will befall on Yuuri based on his experiences. He was still not the rightful one to predict the life and death of a patient despite his position, regardless of all the years he spent in medical school. Giving them a bad answer will be a total disaster, the families of dying patients were very sensitive and it’s best not to upset them.

“Otou-san…? Okaa-san…?”

Yuuri looked around the ward, everything was bearing the colour of none but white. Without wasting time, his parents rushed to his side as soon they noticed he had woken up. For some reasons he found that his eyes were the only organ he could move freely with little to no effort. His parent’s delighted faces surrounded around him.

“Good morning, Yuuri.”

Hiroko leaned down and kissed Yuuri’s cheek. Toshiya stroked his son’s hair, brushing his bangs from his face. He asked, “How are you feeling?”

Yuuri tried to lift his body from the bed, only to fall backwards and caught by his parents’ hands, laying him back on the bed. His body and head were too heavy that he felt like he had no control over them. Instead, Dr. Shinohara pressed a button at the bedside, causing the upper part of the bed to be elevated and putting Yuuri into a sitting position.

“Where am I?” The child questioned confusedly. He didn’t remember coming here. The last place he went to was Ice Castle and he was doing skating practice. How did he end up here and what happened to him? And why his parents were even here?

“You’re in the hospital, dear.” Hiroko pulled him closer and gave him a side hug. “But no need to worry, you’re going to be just fine!”

Yuuri glanced to Dr.Shinohara, he immediately recognized him as a doctor judging from his clothing and the stethoscope around his neck. “But I think I heard that doctor said that I am sick, and…”

“It isn’t anything serious!” Toshiya quickly cut him; this was too much for Yuuri to know. “It won’t be long, you’ll get better soon! Just trust us!”

“Really, sensei?” Yuuri asked the doctor for confirmation.

“Your parents are right. It’s no big deal, you’ll be cured soon. Just believe in yourself!”

Toshiya and Hiroko were both thankful to hear such optimistic response from Dr. Shinohara, the young doctor winked at them before leaving the family to spend their time altogether without interruption. It warmed his heart to see their closeness through the glass outside the ward, he can’t wait for his wife to have their first baby and start his own family.

“Dear, why did you lie to him?”

A young nurse, Mako was confronting him. Dr. Shinohara knew her, she was his wife. Her eyes were stern, though she appeared to be calm as she crossed her arms. She briefly entered Yuuri’s ward to collect dirty sheets and overheard their conversations. An obvious disapproval was shown by her expression and body language, Dr. Shinohara could see it.

“He’s still a child,” Dr. Shinohara looked at her sadly. “I can’t bear to tell him an ugly truth. I think just letting his parents know is enough.”

“But you are a doctor; you can’t lie to your patients!” She roared. “Especially to a child like him! Even though he’s only a child, he still has the right to know!”

“Darling, you’re right, but I don’t want to scare him…”

Cancer was one of humanity’s worst enemies, both Dr. Shinohara and Mako were aware of that fact and it was not something to be taken lightly. Yet, their opinion differed on what should have been done since it was a very heavy topic. Refusing the urge to start an argument, the two newly-wed couple turned silent and faced each other without saying anything.

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“Is it okay if I don’t go to school?”

“It’s okay, sweetie.” Hiroko spooned some porridge to Yuuri’s mouth, feeding her hungry son. “It’s not your fault anyway.”

Yuuri swallowed the food down his throat, indeed it was home cooked by no one else but his mother, a talented chef. “Aren’t you guys busy? Don’t you have work to do?”

Those questions were acting like psychological daggers, deeply hurting them inside. Filling them with guilt and remorse, it’s the main factor that set them and Yuuri apart. Toshiya and Hiroko began to think of what they should do to repent their mistakes… But was there any chance left for them? Will it help Yuuri to recover?

“Yuuri, we’re sorry for neglecting you all this time.” Toshiya sighed. “Promise we wouldn’t do such thing to you ever again.”

“Won’t I be a burden?” Yuuri asked again.

Hiroko blew the steaming porridge from the spoon first before feeding her son once more. “You’ll never be.”

People say you won’t appreciate what you have until you’ve lost it. Toshiya and Hiroko had swore altogether that they would not take their son’s existence for granted anymore and cherish all this valuable time with him while it’s still there. Dr. Shinohara’s words had made them hopeful, but still having doubts on how long Yuuri could go on.

“We’ve learnt our lesson. From now on, we’ll always be by your side. We’ll never leave you alone. If you ever need anything, feel free to ask. Me and your mother will do our best.”

After saying that, Toshiya fought his tears from coming out. He doesn’t want to make Yuuri feeling bad. The death of his mother already had affected him a lot till this day, and now he had to cope with his son’s sickness and the fear of losing him. He was afraid of committing the same mistake twice that lead to the loss of his beloved ones.

“Excuse me.”

Dr. Shinohara was entering Yuuri’s ward when his parents prepared to leave. It’s a right timing, unknowingly. Yuuri said disappointedly, “I cannot go home, huh…”

“I afraid you need to stay here until you get better, Yuuri.” Toshiya reassured him.

Hiroko’s mother instincts told her that Yuuri will feel lonely in the ward, aside from barely having anything to do he will rarely see others to be in his company. “No need to worry, we will come to visit you every day for sure! When it’s night after me and your Otou-san had left, don’t do anything else other than sleeping. You’ll need a plenty of rest to recover.”

“We cannot bring our son home, right?” Toshiya asked the recently arrived Dr. Shinohara.

The doctor nodded, “mm-hm. ALL is attacking his white blood cells, so he’ll be more vulnerable to infections since his immune system is weakened. It’s best to stay here for treatment.”

“We’ll come again tomorrow!”

Toshiya and Hiroko made their way to the door and turned back to bid their farewell to Yuuri, waving their hands. Dr. Shinohara encouraged Yuuri to say goodbye to his parents, but the child said nothing but just waved back to them. He quietly watched his parents gradually being further and further away from him, leaving him by himself in the ward.

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7 AM in the morning, Mako entered Yuuri’s ward to serve him breakfast.

“Good morning, Yuuri~!” The young nurse greeted. “You’re already awake at this early? What a good boy!”

Yuuri was reading a book to kill boredom when she entered. “I’ve woken up since 6 AM.”

There’s not much things to do in the hospital, much to Yuuri’s dismay. When he’s bored or not sleeping, he will either watch television, read books or using the phone his family bought for him in case anything happened that he needed their help to. He cannot move to anywhere else but only to the toilet, yet it’s enough to make him out of breath. He felt nothing more than a prisoner when he had to stay in the ward all over the time.

“A good breakfast is for a good boy!”

Mako served toasted breads, scrambled eggs, a bowl of salad and a cup of green tea on the table before the child. The food-loving Yuuri found them delicious looking and started to eat after saying his gratitude, a sight Mako was happy to see. Even though he was having cancer, but his appetite was still there.

“It’s so boring to be here,” Yuuri complained as he chewed his food, “I can’t go anywhere or else I’ll get tired. Even though I just went for a small walk.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Mako sat on Yuuri’s bed. “I’ll take you to anywhere you want. How about the garden down there? Or rather, we have a room with a lot of toys!”

Yuuri was disinterested with any of her offers. “I want to go to a skating rink. I want to skate so badly…”

“Yuuri, you can skate?” Mako was surprised. “Cool! I can’t skate at all!”

“I love skating so much. I want to be a figure skater when I grow up!” Yuuri gleefully told Mako of his dream. The nurse smiled back and raised a thumb up.

“I’m sure you will. Right after you recovered!”

Mako inched closer to Yuuri on the bed. The child had already finished his breakfast. “I love figure skating too; I always watch the tournaments on television. It’s one of the most beautiful sports I’ve ever seen. I love this one Russian boy who always steals the podium no matter what! If I’m not mistaken, he’s 4 years older than you?”

Yuuri began to change the topic. “Anyway, Mako-san…”

“Hmm?” Mako looked at him, responding in a motherly tone.

“Shinohara-sensei and my parents keep telling me that I’m only having a cold. Are they _really_ telling me the truth?”

Mako widened her eyes, did not expect to hear such question. Yuuri obviously wasn’t playing around; he was dead serious from his tone and expression. He also appeared being very sceptical and doubtful towards the aforementioned people and the fact they tried to shape him into believing. She took a deep breath, preparing herself to tell the answer.

“No, they all are lying to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m struggling to make Yuuri not sounding wiser beyond his years and talk like how a 7-year-old would. But come to think of it, in canon we have 5-year-old triplets who doesn’t act like 5-year-olds at all…


	6. Chapter 6

“Is that true, Mako-san…?”

Though he was 100% sure Mako was telling the truth without the slightest hint of doubt. There’s no way it’s just a cold, even a child like him would understand. Mako nodded, putting her hands on Yuuri’s shoulders. Finally, she had the guts to let him know and managed to do so without her husband’s intervention. She sighed in relief.

“That’s right, my child. What you’re having is cancer.”

But Yuuri still needed more clarification, he knew how deadly cancer was. “Like, how they show in TV? That many people died from it?”

He perfectly knew they were lying. And the one of the most mysterious stage of life – death was going to wait for him sooner than he thought. He knew he was affected by something more serious than just a cold, but he didn’t expect it to be _this_ critical. Like anyone naturally would, the thought of dying scared him.

“Is that mean I will die soon…?”

“No you’re not going to!” Mako tried to calm him down, “I mean, most of the cancer patients I’ve seen survived from it! I’m sure that you’ll go home safe and sound, trust me!”

Yuuri was still trembling in horror, conquered by the fear of the unknown. What could’ve happened to him after he died? It was inevitable for Mako to feel bad for him, but it can’t be helped – it’s an unchangeable truth. Children were never too young for anything, if not then how they were going to prepare themselves for the harsh realities in life when they’ve reached adulthood?

“No need to worry Yuuri, you’re going to beat this cancer. I’m sure of it!”

The child doesn’t know what to believe in, with both of his confidence and anxiety wrestling for dominance his heart. But finally, he just nodded. Even though Dr. Shinohara and Mako told him different things about his sickness, but both suggested that he’s going to regain his health back sooner or later. Maybe there’s still hope left for him.

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Mari was doing nothing but spacing out in class, noticed by both of her teachers and friends. The brash and energetic girl was unusually quiet, and now she spent the whole school session sitting at her table without going anywhere. What made it weirder was she will be always seen daydreaming, staring blankly into the void. It was a 180 degree change of what people knew most about her personalities.

“Mari-chan~!” Her classmate and BFF, Kyoko sprang to her seat. “I bought you lunch from the cafeteria, let’s eat together!”

“Okay…”

Kyoko found it quite unsettling to see how different Mari was behaving now. She will only speak one-liners, and when she was eating lunch the olive-haired girl doesn’t seem to have the appetite. She only took a little nibble at a time and chewed in a very slow manner. And to think what Kyoko bought was yakisoba bread and a carton of juice, it’s Mari’s favourite which she can gladly consume in a heartbeat.

“Is something happened, Mari-chan?” Kyoko asked, breaking the silence between them.

“Well, some things…” Mari chose to stay vague. It’s the last thing she would like to talk about at the moment.

Kyoko’s instincts were right, Mari indeed was currently depressed. She was curious, but she doesn’t want to force Mari to talk about it. Sure, talking was a type of therapy but it could’ve affected her worse if the timing was wrong. Maybe this was still newly happened to her, so Kyoko wanted to give Mari some time until she’s open enough to confess.

“If you had any problems, you can just seek me for help. I’ll be ready to lend my ears anytime to any of your distress. We’re friends, right?”

Mari didn’t say anything, but her face clearly became gloomier. Kyoko placed her hand on top of Mari’s, “look, maybe by listening only wouldn’t help to solve your problems, but at least I want to help you letting out all your pain because it’s not good to bottle your feelings up. But take your time.”

“Kyoko-chan, but I…” Mari couldn’t finish her words for unknown reasons.

Kyoko shook her head. “It’s okay; you don’t need to tell me now. I wouldn’t force you. The least thing I can do right now is to cheer you up when you are feeling down.”

“Thank you, Kyoko-chan…” Mari finally smiled for the first time in forever, much to Kyoko’s relief.

“Glad to be there for you when it’s tough,” Kyoko smiled back.

On Mari’s desk was a signed test paper returned to her in the previous class before lunch break. The one test she had yesterday, her mind was vacant and she can’t read and answer the questions properly. As if she had forgotten everything she had studied and crammed. Almost all of the answers she left were marked wrong and she didn’t pass the test. But this was nothing compared to what was actually bothering her now.

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Finally Mari had arrived to Yuuri’s ward. It’s such a pain in the neck to wait for the elevator since it’s always crowded, and she couldn’t think of taking the long stairs to his ward which was floors above the ground. As she entered, she saw her parents looking very concerned over a seemingly sleeping Yuuri.

“Otou-san, Okaa-san…!” Mari scrammed inside. “What is wrong with Yuuri?”

“He’s having a fever,” Hiroko said, handing the thermometer to Mari for her to see. It read 37.5°C.

A wet rug was placed on Yuuri’s forehead to help on lowering his temperature; the boy was shivering in cold under the hospital blanket. He was already this sick when Toshiya and Hiroko arrived, which greatly worried them. Now they were anxiously waiting for Dr. Shinohara to come to Yuuri’s ward. Speak of the devil, he appeared at the door.

“It’s just one of the symptoms, don’t worry about it.” Dr. Shinohara said, after checking on Yuuri.

“Why did you lie to me, Otou-san? Okaa-san?” Yuuri suddenly opened his eyes. “You said ‘it’s just a cold’, huh?”

Yuuri glared at the young doctor. “Why didn’t you just tell me that I’m having cancer?”

There’s no use to lie anymore, with Yuuri finally knew it. The doctor’s usual smile had faded away; his face was painted in shock. Yuuri’s parents frowned, they thought they had the truth perfectly hidden and managed to convince Yuuri to believe in nothing related to that. Now, how would a child like him to accept such dark fate bestowed to him?

“Yuuri-kun, who told you…?” The doctor asked.

“Mako-san did.”

By coincidence Mako happened to pass by Yuuri’s ward, Dr. Shinohara rushed to his wife and confronted her. “Mako! You told Yuuri-kun about his cancer, right!?”

“I-I did…”

She was intimidated of how angry her husband was. The doctor continued, “Look at him! This is the reason why I don’t want to tell him, I don’t want to stress him up or it’ll get worse!”

Cancer will also bring negative effects to a patient psychologically – leading to stress, anxiety and depression. Dr. Shinohara feared for a child like Yuuri to face these consequences, he tried to avoid him knowing as hard as possible, he had no choice but lying to the poor boy. Yuuri may not be strong enough to face any of these, and it would affect his recovery process.

Mako saw Yuuri having a fever and she couldn’t stop shaking. It was obvious his fever was caused by stress after knowing about his cancer, she couldn’t get anymore guilty. “Dear, I’m sorry, I…”

By misleading Yuuri to believe it was something light as a cold, Dr. Shinohara wanted him to be at least more optimistic about his future and strengthen his will to live; definitely it will help him to recover that way. But now it’s too late – he had to think of other ways to maintain the child’s psychological health. But how?

“Do you think I’m that stupid to think it’s just a cold!?”

Yuuri abruptly screamed in rage, catching the attentions of Dr. Shinohara and Mako. He did overhear their conversation outside the ward. “Even before Mako-san told me, I don’t believe it is a cold!”

He added, “You don’t know how much I am in pain every day, you have no idea how it hurts! And you can just say this is a cold!? You don’t understand what I’ve been through!”

Yuuri’s parents tried to apologize. “Yuuri, we’re sorry, but…”

“I always catch a cold before and it never was like this! If it’s really just a cold, then why it hurts so much!? To think I had to be in the hospital too!? And why do I even need this thing attached to me anyway!?”

Dr. Shinohara and Mako was disheartened, even though they had worked with many cancer patients in the past – cancer was still something they will never relate to unless they got to experience it themselves. Probably Yuuri was having pain in his bones and joints, caused by the accumulation of abnormal white blood cells in his bone marrow. Still, they can’t tell why Yuuri was in pain by just looking. Only Yuuri himself knew.

The doctor walked closer to the bed and held Yuuri’s hand in his, “I’m sorry that we had to lie to you, but this is for your own good…”

“Everyone keeps telling me that lying is a bad thing, I’ll get scolded if I lied.” Tears rolled down Yuuri’s cheeks. “But why everyone is lying to me now? This is so unfair…!”

“Yuuri, dear, don’t cry…” Hiroko tried to wipe Yuuri’s tears, but her son swept her hand away.

“Leave me alone, all of you! I hate you all!”

His father attempted to comfort him, “Yuuri, please…”

“GO AWAY!”

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Dr. Shinohara and Mako settled down for some coffee in the cafeteria after leaving Yuuri’s ward moments ago. The Katsukis had also left at the boy’s request. He was alone in his room, sleeping in peace without disturbance after being sedated. The doctor was miserable after what had happened. He loved children very much and always determined to put a smile on their faces, he’ll be sad if he was the one to make them cry.

“Takumi-san,” said Mako to her husband, “please drink your coffee, it’s getting cold…”

Dr. Shinohara slowly sipped the lukewarm black coffee down his throat; Mako just stared at him in oblivion after realizing he hadn’t added sugar in it yet. But he seemed to drink it just fine, he looked nonchalant. Obviously something else was in his head that his brain had no time to process how bitter the coffee was.

“Dear, I’m so sorry for today. I shouldn’t have told Yuuri about him having cancer.” Mako apologized.

Her husband put down the empty cup on the table and shook his head. “No, I’m the one who shouldn’t have lied to him.”

Both of them felt guilty of what they did. Dr. Shinohara chose the idealistic path while Mako chose the realistic path. It was very unclear of who did the right thing and who did not, Mako thought. Because every of the problems and questions in the world don’t work just like in written exams – where there can be only one right answer and solution as stated in the answer scheme, otherwise it’s wrong. In the real world, they both can be right and wrong at the same time.

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At night after the Katsukis had left, Yuuri saw Dr. Shinohara passing by his ward. After settling some things, Yuuri was not mad with the doctor anymore. He quickly called to him, “Shinohara-sensei, come here!”

“Hey there Yuuri-kun,” the young doctor made his way inside. He was tired and sleep-deprived, with eye bags beneath his eyes. But still looked happy nonetheless.

“Here,” Yuuri pushed a plate containing a piece of cake to the doctor. “I saved this for you, sensei!”

Dr. Shinohara was touched. “Aww, you’re so sweet. Thank you, Yuuri-kun.”

He sat down on Yuuri’s bed, taking the cake and a small fork handed by Yuuri and started eating. The cake was delicious. Luckily Yuuri was the last patient to attend tonight after seeing so many patients in a day, which really made him exhausted. But being treated with a cake felt so rewarding, the sickly boy even poured some juice into a cup and served it to him. He was so delighted that had forgotten how tired he was.

“Where did you get this cake?”

“My parents brought it to me; we celebrated my belated birthday party here just now.” Yuuri leaned on the pillow, glad to see the doctor enjoying the cake.

“Happy belated birthday,” Dr. Shinohara wished, but he knew that wouldn’t mean much.  It’s a half-hearted wish like it will always be. “When was your birthday?”

“The day when I first got submitted here.”

Dr. Shinohara accidentally dropped the cream-smeared fork; it fell from his hand onto his pants. He picked it back and continued to eat. “I-I’m sorry to hear that…”

“They said they already prepared a birthday party for me during that time, but it was too late when I ended up here. When they realized, it’s already the following day.”

“Y-Yuuri-kun, I’m sorry…” The doctor ruffled the boy’s hair in sympathy.

“Anyway, Sensei…”

“Hmm?”

Yuuri raised his chin up. “Why do people celebrate birthdays?”

“Why, you say…?” Dr. Shinohara scratched his head, went into deep thinking mode. He wasn’t sure if he knew the answer or not.

“I’m curious of what actually makes it a very special day.” Yuuri clutched a hand-knitted dog plushie given by his late grandmother in his arms, it was there to make him less lonely. “But sometimes I don’t really see its importance.”

“I think it’s an important day because… it’s the day you were born,” spontaneously came out from the doctor’s mouth.

He continued, “It’s the day where people appreciate your existence, yeah! People are thankful for the fact you exists!”

Yuuri blinked in confusion from hearing Dr. Shinohara’s explanation. “Appreciate my existence?”

“Because they love you so much, of course. And you must appreciate your own birth too because life itself is the best gift that anyone can have. Cherish it while you can.”

“I see, so that’s why they give presents and parties…” Yuuri nodded, finally understood it. “But is it okay if I forgot someone’s birthday? Or didn’t even celebrate it or give them presents?”

“Nah, it’s okay. There’s a lot of other ways to show our love to others,” he reassured.

Yuuri had an epiphany, “So that’s why they also said ‘Thank you for being born’, eh?”

Dr. Shinohara left the ward after Yuuri had fallen asleep. The boy was lightly snoring, he looked like a baby. Talking about the issue of life and death somewhat very fitting to a place called hospital, where a doctor like him had seen a lot of stories of varying genres – drama, family, romance, comedy, tragedy, horror. And medical drama.

He took out his phone and called a certain number. “Hello, Kaa-san? Are you there?”

 _“Takumi!”_ Dr. Shinohara’s mother shrieked through the phone. _“What brings you to call me on this late hour? It’s freaking 12 AM! Did something happen!?”_

“Oh, nothing… I just wanted to say Happy Birthday, Kaa-san…” the doctor tried his best not to cry.

_“Aww, that’s so sweet of you. To think you’ve always forgotten about my birthday before, thank you Takumi.”_

 “I’m sorry, I focused too much on my work that I…” Dr. Shinohara felt guilty for it.

_“It’s okay! I’m so happy to have my only remaining family left to wish my birthday first before anyone else did, for today.”_

Tears began to pool in the doctor’s eyes, not like he could control it anymore. “Thank you for being born and giving born to me, Kaa-san. I love you.”

_“Thank you for being my son. I love you too!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remembered when I was below 10 years old; I will get mad if the adults lied to me and said “You’re not old enough for this, you wouldn’t understand” just because I’m a kid. Oh please… Sometimes kids are smart enough to see through the nonsense the adults are spouting, they are not that dumb.


	7. Chapter 7

_“Dear Kami-sama, if you allow me to, please let me live longer. I want my dreams to be fulfilled first.”_

“That’s what I asked on my birthday,” Yuuri blurted out.

Dr. Shinohara and Mako stared at him with their mouths hung agape. It wasn’t something that a child normally wished for on their birthday. It would be something like toys, games, foods, new clothes… But Yuuri wished to live longer. Very typical for people with chronic illnesses. They were stunned, but not surprised anyway. Both were filled with sympathy for the boy.

Dr. Shinohara patted Yuuri on his back. “Yuuri-kun, you’re going to recover for sure! I can guarantee you 90%!”

“I know!” Mako snapped her fingers. “There’s something fun you can try out!”

The nurse left the room, and returned with an empty box, some papers, crayons and a pencil case containing stationeries. She took them from the reception desk before the elevator. Mako placed the things she brought on Yuuri’s bed table, the child and her husband watched her unexpected actions cluelessly.

“Now Yuuri, let’s work on your dreams now!”

Yuuri’s gaze switched from the stuffs on the table to Mako. “How?”

“Easy, you’re going to do this in three steps. First, write down all the things you want to achieve in life. Next, draw the things you want to have. Lastly, we’ll going to put them in a box and keep it, not to be opened until a specific date.”

“Hah?” Yuuri and Dr. Shinohara tilted their heads altogether. Question marks floated above their heads.

“It’s what people call, a time capsule!” Mako said in enthusiasm. “It’s really enjoyable to make, you know!”

Yuuri had his interest piqued; Mako proceeded to encourage him more. “Yuuri, writing down your dreams is the key to make them come true. A lot of successful people had done this as one of the secrets of their success!”

“You’ve done this before, Mako-san? What did you wish for?” Yuuri asked.

“Exactly, I did my own time capsule when I was 10. In the future, I want to be someone who can save lives and benefit others. Yeah, I’m a nurse now so I’ve achieved my dream!”

It’s Dr. Shinohara’s turn to ask. “Have you opened your time capsule yet?”

“Of course I had, right during the exact date!” She showed a smug face. “It’s really satisfying to see all of what I had written came true, when I read it back.”

Mako saw Yuuri taking out a pen from the pencil case, beginning to write on a piece of paper. “Now, you should write it like a letter for your future self.”

“For example – Dear Mako, at the age of 25, you are someone who will save a lot of lives and help your loved ones and others in need. You are someone who will never ask for anything in return, everyone will see you as a hero. You are the wife of the smartest kid in school, Shinohara Takumi. Yours truly, Kamiya (Shinohara) Mako.”

Dr. Shinohara was going to burst into laughter – _Is that what she really wrote??_ As instructed, Yuuri started to write. “Dear Yuuri… Be a figure skater… Win gold medals…”

Though, Yuuri actually had written more than he expected. To respect Yuuri’s privacy, Mako turned away so she couldn’t read what Yuuri wrote on the paper. Other than the first two dreams he mentioned, the rest were unknown. It took quite a long time for Yuuri to finish writing, how much a child could dream was amazing. Afterwards, Yuuri drew on the papers with crayons the things he would like to have in the future and cut them out with scissors. He placed the letter and the cut-out drawings into the box.

“Here, done!” Yuuri handed the closed box to Mako.

Mako uncapped a black permanent marker. “Okay then, so what date do you want?”

“Hmm… Since you chose to open it when you turned 25, how about my 25th birthday?”

The nurse wrote ‘Do not open until Yuuri’s 25th birthday’ on the box, she wrote them large enough so anyone could see. Dr. Shinohara helped to tape the box firmly after she finished. Mako told the Katsukis to keep the box safe and unopened for Yuuri’s sake. They were curious of what’s being put inside, she told them to wait until Yuuri’s 25th birthday to know – a concealed surprise will await.

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“Can we bring him to the festival?”

Toshiya and Hiroko looked at Dr. Shinohara with hopeful eyes. The doctor was reluctant to let Yuuri to go to such crowded place when the child was currently having low immunity; he gave them permission in the end after realizing how a child like Yuuri would be happy to go to the festival. Who doesn’t? It’s too boring to be in the hospital all the time.

“Well, you can take him there.” Dr. Shinohara nodded, much to their relief. “But there are some precautions you need to follow.”

Whilst dressing Yuuri in a yukata, Hiroko memorized every of the precautions Dr. Shinohara had said in her head. Consumption of raw food was not allowed.  Make sure the water was boiled before drinking it. Wear a face mask to avoid infections, and stay away from anyone who was sick. Make sure your hands were washed with antibacterial soap before touching him.

“I look weird…”

Yuuri saw how he looked like through the reflection of the glass walls in the hospital, as he walked with his hand holding Hiroko’s. He was wearing a beanie to protect his thinning hair, half of his face was covered by a mask and only his eyes could be seen. His left arm was numb from taking an injection to vaccinate him.

“No you’re not,” Mari said. “You’re not going to stand out that much.”

Of course the other children who attended the festival were different. They were actively running around wearing cartoonish plastic masks yet Yuuri had to wear a boring surgical mask. The other children were checking out stalls with toys, games and sweets freely without their parents to monitor them, unlike Yuuri who had no choice but to stay close to his family.

“What do you like to eat, Yuuri?” Hiroko turned to her son and asked.

“I’m not hungry,” he replied. His appetite was low; the delicious smell of food wasn’t tempting him.

“You need to eat; it’s for your own health.”

Hiroko was worried; Yuuri was eating too little at a time. Usually her son would get really excited to go to the festival, and he will end up being noticeably chubby after that, every single time. It saddened her to see how thin and skinny Yuuri was now, to see her son being uninterested about food was so unlike him.

“How about takoyaki?” she suggested. “It’s one of your favourites, right?”

 _A takoyaki wouldn’t be that bad_ , Yuuri nodded. Hiroko smiled, and stopped to a nearby stall selling fried foods. “One set of takoyaki, please.”

“Here you go,” the middle-aged lady handed a small carton containing takoyaki to Hiroko, she saw Yuuri. “My, that boy looks so pale. Is he okay?”

Hiroko paid without saying anything; she only gave the stall owner a sad smile. The latter understood. “May your son get well soon.”

Yuuri pushed his mask downwards to eat a ball of takoyaki after his mother blew it till it got less hot for him. While other people can finish it instantly in a bite, he could only chew it slowly due to his sore mouth. Eating the takoyaki wasn’t pleasant to him, it supposed to be one of the most delicious Japanese treats but it tasted bitter and metallic as his taste buds had been damaged by cancer treatments. Finishing a single takoyaki already took quite an effort for him.

“Don’t you want to play anything, Yuuri?” Mari held her baby brother by the shoulder, “Isn’t it boring to just observe what the other kids are doing?”

They were catching goldfishes and fishing yo-yos, the most common games during a festival like this. There were other games, but all of them seemed tiring for Yuuri to participate in. He shook his head, “No.”

Not long after that, a throbbing headache attacked him. Yuuri covered his mouth as he felt nauseous and gagged; realizing this his family took him to a nearby drain for him to throw up. Vomit came out from his mouth alongside undigested bits of takoyaki into the drain. Once he was done vomiting, his parents rubbed his back and wiped his mouth clean.

“Are you okay?” Hiroko asked as she wiped him. “Here, let me get some anti-nausea pills for you.”

He felt better after throwing up, he had to take those pills to make sure his nausea wasn’t acting up again especially after he had eaten. He proved himself to be fine after walking for a while; Mari bought him a bottle of ramune (Japanese soda) and held the bottle for him to help him drinking it as consuming sweet things can relief him. Yuuri was thirsty; he greedily drank the whole bottle until not a single drop left.

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“Yuuri? What’s the matter?”

Toshiya concernedly asked Yuuri, his son suddenly stopped walking. Hiroko and Mari also stopped to check on him. He was sweating and puffs of breaths rapidly coming out from him. He felt pain in his chest and his head was dizzy, everything in his eyes became distorted as he began to lose his balance. He held Hiroko’s hand firmly to keep himself standing on his own feet. Now Yuuri was too exhausted to walk.

 “Let me give you a piggyback ride. Heave ho,” Toshiya mounted his son onto his back.

Yuuri weakly leaned on his father’s back, he can’t even lift his head due to how dizzy he was feeling. He felt like a baby, and he was jealous of how the other children were lively moving around without any need for support. While the others were enjoying the events occurring in the festival, his family was out of synch with them – none of them were happy. Yuuri thought he was the one to blame.

“Minako-sensei,” Yuuri raised his head and called to his teacher, once he saw her among the crowd.

“Ah, Yuuri!” the former professional ballerina saw the Katsukis.

Minako was wearing a bright-coloured kimono with flowery patterns, her long hair in a bun. She was excited to see the Katsukis, hurried herself to them after seeing how frail Yuuri was on Toshiya’s back. She felt sorry for him, but no way his family was going to leave him alone in the hospital, especially when a festival was taking place.

“Are you okay, sweetie? Do you hurt anywhere?” Minako bombarded him with hugs and kisses.

“I’m fine,” Yuuri laughed a little, tickled by his ballet teacher’s kisses. “I’m just tired.”

They walked together to a shrine where people gathered to make wishes, writing their wishes on a piece of papers and hanging them on bamboo trees. The Katsukis and Minako wanted to write their wishes as well, Toshiya doesn’t mind his son using his back as a table. Yuuri wrote ‘Being a figure skater’ on the paper in scrawny handwriting.

“What did you wish for, Mari-chan?” Minako asked out of curiosity.

“I wish Minako-san will get married soon~” Mari teased. Minako angrily pinched her cheek. “Ow, ow, ow! I’m just kidding!”

Mari rubbed her pained cheek, “I wish Yuuri will recover… I can’t think of anything else.”

“I also made the same wish,” Hiroko showed her paper. Toshiya’s paper also had the same wish written on it.

“What, this is plagiarism!” Minako jokingly exclaimed, trying to brighten things up. “I’m the one who made that wish first!”

Yuuri was touched after knowing how much his family and his teacher cared for him, they put his health first before anything else. It was the only wish they had made without thinking of other things they would like to achieve for personal gain; they were too desperate for him to become the Yuuri they knew for a long time once again. As if nothing else mattered.

Loud noises began to be heard by the crowd at the festival. “Is it time for fireworks?”

Everyone looked upwards. Minako and the Katsukis did the same. Children began to scream in delight, but people of all ages were equally thrilled. Small fireballs soaring up into the air and exploded into gigantic sparks of multiple colours. Some people began to film the fireworks brightening the murky night sky, some were just taking pictures. From Toshiya’s back Yuuri watched the fireworks and entrapped in wonder, what he was seeing made him happy.

“Beautiful…” he whispered out.

He loved fireworks so much. And everyone else do.

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Toshiya lowered Yuuri down on the hospital bed with care, his son who was completely worn out found it really good to be reunited with the bed again after going through an exhausting festival. Yuuri immediately fell asleep once his head was laid on the soft and fluffy pillow, sleeping was the best thing to do rather than going outside and do tiring things.

“Yuuri’s already asleep?” Mari peered on her little brother.

“Look at him snoring,” Minako stroked Yuuri’s hair. “Like this I doubt he’ll wake up even if there’s a nuclear explosion literally happening.”

What Minako meant was Yuuri won’t wake up no matter how hard someone tried to make him to, but it was still unsettling to let him fall asleep. He could’ve ended up not waking up again and having an eternal slumber instead, it’s too hard to not be worried of him even for sec. Why such abomination as the likes of cancer must exist, when it clearly brings no good to mankind?

“He looks so cute when he’s sleeping,” Hiroko said fondly, watching her son’s vulnerable sleeping face.

Toshiya laughed half-heartedly, “not a minute had passed and he’s drooling this much?”

They realized it was getting late. If only they could be locked in a time loop, staying by Yuuri’s side and looking after him forever. It hurt so much to leave him again, while constantly fearing of how long he could go on after this. Before leaving, Minako placed an omamori she purchased at the festival specifically for good health on Yuuri’s palm. She gently pushed his little fingers altogether around the omamori, making him to hold it tight in his hand.

Just praying once wasn’t enough. It’s something they wouldn’t stop doing and never will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t know that Harry Potter houses can determine what kind of writers you are. The Gryffindor side of me is determined to make everything depicted in my story right and lotttsss of morals fitted in. My Ravenclaw side makes me constantly doing research for even the tiniest bit in the story, to make everything realistic and logical. To be honest, I never had cancer before so once again I apologize for any inaccuracies depicted.


	8. Chapter 8

Yuuri was walking from the toilet, his hand holding the IV drip as he walked. He had diarrhoea for days and it wasn’t pleasant, he easily could have a bad mood these days with all of the problems he had to endure within a day that sometimes his family and visitors had to deal with his temper tantrum. Maybe not sometimes, but _most of the time._

_“Just shut up and leave me alone already! Stop making things too hard for me!”_

Either because of his family being too overprotective to the point it became annoying, people saying things that shouldn’t be said to him, showing his shameful side to his crush Yuuko and the list went on. Everything can irritate him. He hated to be surrounded by people who acting like there’s no hope for him to live, but being alone in his ward was just as dreadful.

_“Are you okay, Yuuri? How often did you vomit today? Have you taken your pills? Is your nose bleeding again? Are you having headaches again? How much did you eat today? Have you washed your hands after using the toilet and before eating? Are you hurting anywhere? Is it really hurts?”_

Argh, too many questions. Yuuri rolled his eyes. His headaches became worse from just thinking of them and to answer each of the millions questions they kept asking. When his body became warm, it was enough to make his family lose their minds, desperately screaming for a doctor to check whether he’s having a high fever or not.

“Can’t wait to be recovered soon. This place sucks, I had nothing but pain.”

When Yuuri reached his ward, the only thing he wanted to do was sleeping. Seriously, there’s nothing else that can top it and it’s the only good thing he could enjoy during his stay in the hospital. Since when sleeping was a more pleasurable thing to do compared to figure skating and eating katsudon?

“Somebody… Anybody… Help me…”

An old man wearing a hospital gown was sprawled on the floor in the hallways; his walking stick was inches away from him. Apparently he tripped and fell down; he was unable to stand. He weakly waved his hand in the air, asking for help. No one else was there so Yuuri rushed to the old man’s aid, picking up his walking stick and helped him to get up. Thankfully a child like him had the adequate strength to make the old man stand up.

“Ahh, thank you so much.” The old man stroked Yuuri’s hair in gratitude. “What a cute boy you are.”

“You’re welcome, Ojii-chan. I’m happy for being able to help you!”

It was alarming to see a child like Yuuri in a hospital gown and an IV drip with him. He was obviously wasn’t in his best condition either. “Why you’re here, boy? What kind of sickness do you have?”

“Cancer,” Yuuri answered bluntly, shocking the old man. It was the same old response again much to Yuuri’s annoyance, but he knew it couldn’t be helped.

“Really? How old are you, my child?”

“I’m 7 years old.”

How young, the old man thought for a while. Even his grandchildren were older than Yuuri. He never knew how lucky he was to live his life long enough to this point, compared to a child with a chronic illness like Yuuri. How cruel, the child still had a long way to go; he was one of the future generations responsible for mankind’s progress. Once he got back to his ward, he couldn’t remove Yuuri out of his mind. He sympathized with the boy so much.

Silently, the old man prayed for his saviour’s recovery in return of helping him.

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The Katsukis were making their regular visit to the hospital again, as they walked further into the hallways they heard sounds of a child screaming and crying loudly. They knew whose cries of pain that were currently blaring in their ears as they got closer to Yuuri’s ward. They raced into the ward and saw Yuuri writhing on the hospital bed in pain.

“Yuuri!”

It was too painful. Yuuri’s eyes were bloodshot from excessive crying; his throat was already hoarse from the screaming. His whole body was hurting, growing numb from the pain. It hurt so much, he couldn’t stop crying. It felt like he was being burned alive, he clenched the sheets in his balled fists. His nails caved deeply into his palms and drew some blood.

“Yuuri, what’s wrong?” Mari asked, seeing her little brother in pain made her started to cry as well.

“It… hurts…” Yuuri said between hard sobs and hiccups. “Make it stop…”

“No, Yuuri!” Hiroko held her son’s hands, “stop injuring yourself! Your hands are bleeding! I know it hurts, but please…”

Toshiya reached for the emergency button above Yuuri’s bed, pressing it multiple times. “Shh, it’s okay Yuuri, you’re going to be fine. The doctor will be coming soon! It will be over, okay?”

“Here, have some water.”

Hiroko brought a bottled water to Yuuri’s mouth, her son stopped crying and screaming for while to drink the water. Some water from the bottle leaked down his chin, soaking his face and his hospital gown. Yuuri stopped drinking when a quarter of the bottle was empty, Hiroko urged him to drink more but he moved his face away from the bottle, tightly shutting his lips to refuse it.

“Yuuri, don’t do this to your mother! Please, drink more…”

It’s no use to force him anymore. Instead, Yuuri resumed crying and screaming in pain, making indirect pleas and begging for the pain he felt to stop. Thankfully, Dr. Shinohara arrived to Yuuri’s ward just in time to help making things better for him. He took out a filled syringe with its needle already attached, prepared to give Yuuri a shot.

“No…” Yuuri widened his eyes in fear as he saw the syringe. “No, no, no…!”

“It’s okay, Yuuri-kun. The pain from this shot wouldn’t last long; it’s for your own good as well. Trust me; this will make all the pain will disappear soon.”

Dr. Shinohara told Yuuri to look away from him when the injection was taking place, so he wouldn’t have to look at the horrendous sight of the needle stabbing through his skin. Alcohol was rubbed on his skin first, a pricking sensation followed, akin to the pain of being pinched. Hiroko held Yuuri’s hand in both of her hands, reminding him that his mother was there to comfort him. The more needles he had taken, the more he got scared of them.

“How are you feeling now?” the doctor asked.

Yuuri stopped screaming, and now he was crying softer. Fresh new tears slowly dribbled down his cheeks as the pain was still persisting, his lower lip trembled from his sobs. “I wanna go home…”

He looked at his family directly in their eyes, sobbing. “Please… I don’t want to be here anymore… Take me home, please…”

The Katsukis glanced at Dr. Shinohara for approval; the doctor was also lost in words. He had told them several times that it’ll be easier for him to stay in the hospital during treatment; it’s harder to take care of him especially when the Katsukis had to manage the inn too, and Yuuri himself will feel more like a burden to them.

“Yuuri, come here and sit in my lap.” Hiroko patted her lap, inviting him to sit on her.

Yuuri did exactly as he was told to. He leaned his head on Hiroko’s chest; the shirt she was wearing was soaked by Yuuri’s falling tears. At that point, Hiroko began to sing a lullaby into Yuuri’s ear whilst rocking his son in her arms back and forth. Being cuddled by his mother’s warmth and calmed by her soothing voice, Yuuri stopped sobbing.

Hiroko sang, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living – my baby you’ll be.”

She repeated the verse over and over, remembering it being taken from a children book she loved so much. She used to sing this lullaby when Yuuri was a baby, comforting him when he was crying and putting him to sleep. As time passed, Yuuri’s eyes began to droop. His eyelids were getting heavier and closed down; he fell asleep in his mother’s gentle arms.

“He’s asleep?” Toshiya breathed out in relief after seeing his son sleeping in peace. “Thank goodness…”

No way can a human being feel pain while asleep. Though, the pain probably will return once he woke up again. The Katsukis fretted at how helpless they were in this situation, there’s too little or nothing they could do to make Yuuri feel better or helping him to recover. All they could do was watching him suffering by himself.

“Sleep tight, Yuuri.” Hiroko laid Yuuri on the bed and pulled the blanket up to his chest. “Once you’re out from here, I’ll let you eat your favourite katsudon as much as you want.”

“I’ll never stop praying, if it’s for your sake. All of us in Yutopia are missing you so much every day.” Toshiya patted his son’s head, large chunks of fallen hair stuck between his fingers when he pulled his hand away much to his dismay.

“Stay strong, Yuuri!” Mari sobbed, “Please don’t die, I’m begging you! I promise I wouldn’t call you ‘fatty’ again! Please don’t leave me, Yuuri!”

Hiroko sat on a chair beside the bed and held her son’s hand with both of her hands, clasping it to her face. She closed her eyes, tears falling down without her being aware of it. Yuuri’s hand was too cold; Hiroko held it tightly as if not letting him to be gone from her sight. She still doesn’t want to lose her hopes, beginning to pray with her whole heart.

_“I’m begging You, please don’t take my baby away…”_

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_“Yuuri.”_

Yuuri opened his eyes, to find himself in a blank space with nothing around him. Everything was brightly painted in white; he was the only one there. He swore he could hear a voice calling him, but no one was in sight. Surely he wasn’t imagining it. He realized the voice was in his head, he tried to talk to it.

“Where am I?” Yuuri asked, looking around the void.

_“Yuuri, I afraid your time has already come now.”_

He was wholly confused. “What do you mean?”

_“You had been a good child, always. That is what they’ll be thinking of you from now on. In their hearts will be the place where you live forever.”_

He saw his lifeless body on the hospital bed after being put to sleep by his mother. Meanwhile, his family was still there, gathering around him. They keenly watched him sleeping for hours – weren’t _they bored by it?_ Certainly watching him sleeping wasn’t an exciting thing to do. For some reasons, their refusal to leave his side for today was stronger than ever.

_“They are patiently waiting for you, and they always are. Your presence is only what they wanted. But they had to accept the fact that you wouldn’t last forever.”_

 “Does that mean I’m dead now?”

Yuuri thought he understood what the voice said. No wonder he was having too much pain. Just like how it’s feared, indeed going through the opposite of life was too painful. There were so many people and many things he had left behind, and things he regretted for not doing while he was still alive. He’ll miss them all as much as how they will greatly miss him till the point they’ll meet again.

_“However…”_

“Eh?” Yuuri raised his chin, surprised of what he just heard. It seemed like the voice had brand new information for him that would change everything.

_“Thanks to you, somebody was able to live longer.”_

“Really?” He was puzzled. “I didn’t do anything…”

_“That old man is supposed to meet his demise there. But thanks to something little you’ve done, he was saved from his fate.”_

Yuuri was still clueless of what the voice said. He barely remembered anything about saving someone’s life; neither what he did for today qualified for something heroic. Was the voice really telling him the truth? One thing he could recall was handing a sickly old man his walking stick back, after finding him being sprawled on the floor while asking for help.

“That means the poor Ojii-chan is doing fine now, right?”

_“Yeah, he is.”_

He saw the old man he met this morning on this bed, surrounded by his family and happily chatting with them. It was a scene originally supposed to be filled with tears and grieving, but now it had been changed into something better for both sides. Before that, Yuuri saw the old man praying. “Please save the poor child,” was repeatedly said in his mind.

_“In return for your kindness, your life will be prolonged. You will have the chance to achieve things you wanted to, again.”_

Yuuri widened his brown eyes. “What…?”

_“Always stay strong, my dear. Remember, never get yourself defeated by the harshness of life…”_

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“Congratulations. Yuuri-kun is finally in remission!”

Dr. Shinohara happily announced.  Mako screamed in delight upon hearing the news. The visitors in Yuuri’s ward – the Katsukis, Minako, Yuuko and Takeshi stared at him without saying anything.  With all the eyes creepily going to bore a hole into him, the doctor began to explain. “The cancer cells in Yuuri-kun are gone now!”

“Are you serious, Sensei!?” Toshiya approached the doctor, a hesitant smile formed on his face. “That means Yuuri is…”

“Yeah! He is now recovered! Cancer-free, at last! He’ll be going home soon.”

Silence was broken in the ward, smiles and tears of joy took after. Their prayers were finally answered. Hiroko couldn’t contain her tears anymore, it worth the bone marrow transplant she had donated to Yuuri for his treatment as she was the closest match. Yuuko and Mari hugged each other while loudly wailing, Minako’s makeup was messed up by her overflowing tears and Takeshi ran out from the room so nobody can see him crying.

“Thank you, Sensei!” Toshiya tearfully bowed several times. “Thank you so much, I’m so happy…!”

“Yuuri…!”

Hiroko pulled the still sleeping Yuuri into a hug, Toshiya followed after. The onslaught of hugs and kisses launched by his parents shook him awake, Yuuri slowly opened his eyes to see his parents crying after holding in for so long – they tried their best not to cry in front of their son while he was sick.

“Otou-san…? Okaa-san…?”

 “Yuuri… Thank God…!”

Toshiya embraced his son tightly in his arms; Hiroko kissed Yuuri’s temple multiple times. Even he was declared to be in remission, but Yuuri was still weak from the treatments. It’ll take some time for him to get used to the outside world again. But this was already more than enough – his parents were not going to lose their beloved son again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don’t know what it feels to be in pain when having cancer, namely leukaemia. Again, I apologize for inaccuracies. It’s kinda tough to do some research regarding it because a lot of true cancer stories I’ve read doesn’t tell much.
> 
> Maybe I should watch the gameplay of “That Dragon, Cancer” and cry again. Getting murdered by feels.


	9. Chapter 9

“Thank you for everything.”

Yuuri’s parents bowed to Dr. Shinohara and Mako in front of the main door of the hospital, ready to take Yuuri home with them. The young doctor and nurse was embarrassed, moreso when Yuuri himself bowed to them as well. During his stay in the hospital he grew closer to them, and he was going to miss them soon.

“We didn’t do much, really!” Mako waved her hand in embarrassment, “it’s all because Yuuri has a strong will to live!”

Dr. Shinohara bent himself down to Yuuri’s height. “While I’m happy to see you recovered, I’m going to miss you so much.”

“Take care of your health, Yuuri-kun! And eat a lot of healthy foods!” Mako ruffled Yuuri’s hair with both of her hands.

“Sensei, I have a present for you.”

Yuuri unzipped his backpack to take out a paper gold medal cut-out drawn by crayons and handed it to Dr. Shinohara. The doctor accepted it and stared at it in his hands; he was quite confused to receive such gift. But he knew the child was being thoughtful enough to prepare a memento for him.

“I’m going to be a figure skater and win a lot of gold medals,” Yuuri said with confidence. “Please watch me on TV later, Sensei!”

The doctor smiled at how adorable the child was, his children-loving heart was bursting and it almost made him cry. Dr. Shinohara stroked Yuuri’s hair, “thank you for this present, Yuuri-kun. I’m going to treasure it.”

Seeing the determination in the eyes of a child who had survived a near-death situation touched the young doctor. “Okay, let’s make a promise shall we? Pinkie swear?”

Yuuri linked his little finger altogether with the doctor’s. “Yuuri-kun is going to be the best figure skater in Japan. No, the best in the world.”

Hearing it made Yuuri even more motivated, his eyes sparkled in resolve. Dr. Shinohara continued, “And I’m going to be Yuuri-kun’s number one fan.”

“It’s a promise. Deal!”

Yuuri waved them goodbye with a wide grin on his face, the married couple waved back as they watched him walking away from the hospital with his parents. It was satisfying to see a patient recover from an illness and happily going back home again. They were going to miss him greatly after this, wishing to meet him again someday at a place definitely not the hospital.

“Bye bye, Yuuri!” Mako waved in enthusiasm, “don’t forget to train hard! I’ll be always cheering for you!”

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The smallest things in his life unexpectedly brought joy to Yuuri, upon realizing he had missed them all so much.  This morning as he woke up, he thought he was dreaming when he saw himself in his own bedroom instead of the hospital ward. He could rush to the bathroom without being tired at all; his gums were no longer bleeding right after he brushed his teeth.

“Good morning!”

Yuuri greeted his family, then pulling a chair and took a seat at the dining table. He was sure that he’s now living his normal everyday life once again, started with having breakfast with his family. Hiroko walked to the dining table whilst carrying some meals with her. Toshiya immediately put down the newspaper he was reading once he saw his son.

“Good morning, you’re so early today. Look at your hair!” Toshiya said, fixing Yuuri’s bed hair.

He ended up fondly stroking his son’s hair nonstop as his hair was staying intact to his scalp and no longer falling. Yuuri used to have some bald patches on his head before, now they were gone after he had grown his hair back to how it normally looked. Mari came to the dining table with her schoolbag slinging around her arm and joined the breakfast.

“Okaa-san, this is delicious!” Yuuri finished his food in a flash due to how hungry he was, “can I have seconds?”

“Sure thing!”

Hiroko filled Yuuri’s emptied bowl with another serving of rice, surely her son was going to regain his former weight soon, if not some additional fat accumulating at his belly but she doesn’t mind. Seeing him eating with full appetite was a pure bliss. Finally, the fourth chair that was always empty all this time had been occupied.

“How are you feeling today, son?” Toshiya asked. “Is your head hurting again?”

The boy looked completely healthy today, he’s no longer looking pale and exhausted but his parents were still compelled to ask, they couldn’t help with it. In case anything bad happened again. Hiroko also asked, “Is your nose bleeding again?”

“No,” Yuuri answered for both questions, while his mouth was full with food. He felt a little annoyed; his parents began to become paranoid about his health.

Yuuri left his house and went to school after breakfast, walking together with Mari as their schools were not far apart from each other. During his stay in the hospital for about 10 months with leukaemia, he noticed that how much he was withdrawn from the outside world – he had to repeat a grade whereas his peers had already advanced to the next grade hence the unfamiliar faces in his new class. And he was ignorant to the current issues and news happening around him, and kids around his age following up with new trends he never heard of. Heck, he didn’t realize his favourite TV show had ended long time ago without him catching its epilogue – he even forgot the fact it existed.

 _“Hopefully I can still skate again,”_ he thought, reaching to the hallway in his house after having lunch and got himself changed. He just came back for school and ready to leave for skating practice again.

“Yuuri, where are you going?”

Yuuri turned his head to see his mother behind him. His father was also there at the reception desk. He replied, “I’m going to the Ice Castle.”

“Ice Castle?” Hiroko briefly exchanged looks with Toshiya; Mari was also there by coincidence and heard the conversation between them. Then, “Yuuri, we’re coming along!”

“I’m coming too!” Mari quickly grabbed her sneakers from the shoe racks.

“Eh!?” Yuuri shrieked in shock.

His father also will be going; he left the reception desk and followed his wife to the front door where Yuuri was staring at his family in disbelief. “But… aren’t you busy? I’m okay with going alone by myself.”

“It’s fine! After all, you do want us to watch you skating, am I right?” Hiroko patted her son on his shoulders. “Minako-senpai told me that you’re an excellent skater!”

Toshiya bent himself and looked at Yuuri directly in the eyes. “You’re going to do great, I’m sure of it. Now we’re going to see it for ourselves.”

“Come on, Yuuri! Don’t keep us waiting any longer!” Mari urged in impatience.

His family wasn’t kidding with him; they already put on their sandals and ready to leave the inn with him. Yuuri still couldn’t believe his eyes, but in the end he became wholly excited. Finally, he got the chance to show them what he’s capable of and they were going to be very proud of him. He began to expect some praises from them soon.

“Okay, let’s go!”

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The Katsukis had zero knowledge about figure skating in general, they don’t even have the grasp about its basics – but they knew Yuuri’s skating was something. How they knew this was by comparing him to the other people skating on the ice as they watched, the others were just simply gliding on their skates whereas Yuuri was twirling gracefully as if he was dancing. No, he was literally dancing on the ice.

“Hiroko, Yuuri is a gifted child.” Minako said to Hiroko, without looking away from Yuuri. “I just can’t peel my eyes off him!”

It was relieving to see Yuuri skating again, figure skating was one of the things to define him. Though he was still in remission but his health was good enough for him to skate again. It’s okay if he didn’t follow her steps to become a prima danseur, seeing Yuuri becoming a professional figure skater was her wish too.

“I shouldn’t have busied myself with the inn too much. Thank goodness it’s not too late for me, now.” Toshiya mumbled in regret for not paying Yuuri enough attention all this time.

Minako patted his back. “It’s okay, it’s in the past and you can’t change it. What’s important is now.”

“How did he learn to move like that on the slippery ice???” Mari shrieked, reminded of how terrified she was when she put on skates for the first time.

 And to think her baby brother was so young too, the moves he pulled were a lot easier to be said than done. All of the two years worth of training didn’t go to waste, they proudly acknowledged. Yuuko and her father were also there to watch, Takeshi standing beside her. Yuuko’s father was thankful for the presence of his regular customer again after waiting for him for so long, to be dismissed from the hospital.

“Otou-san, Yuuri-kun is here! Ohhh, Yuuri-kun~!” Yuuko gleefully hopped, tugging her father’s sleeves.

There was a stark contrast between Yuuri who was here and the Yuuri who spent his days in the hospital, like completely two different persons having the same face. One who was strong, diligent and energetic whereas the other was always pale, frail and sickly. Of course, they liked this version of Yuuri better.

“Takeshi-kun,” Yuuko’s father glanced to Takeshi, his daughter was standing between them. “Aren’t you thrilled to see him?”

“I’m not,” Takeshi scoffed, not sure if Yuuko’s father was imagining it but the boy looked like he was blushing. Takeshi’s eyes were still unattached from Yuuri though.

“I wish Yuuri-kun will not get sick again,” Yuuko hoped. Her hands clenched altogether resembling an act of praying.

It was painful enough to see him suffering from leukaemia, but Yuuri was the one to shoulder the most pain, alone by himself. Only he was the one who knew how much it hurt, and it was beyond their power to make him feel better. Judging by how freely he was on the ice, he was now escaped from all the pain. He was allowed to live his life in the fullest again.

Yuuri noticed his family and friends constantly observing him. Now this was the chance. “Everyone, look at me!”

He glided away from the others skating on the ice, avoiding the crowd as much as possible and looking for a space only for himself. Then, he skated backwards, took off from the ice with the outside edge of his left foot and leapt into midair. He made three rotations in mere seconds and unexpectedly, finding himself landing on his right foot. Yuuri himself couldn’t believe it.

“Whoa, look at that!” One of the crowds pointed at Yuuri in awe, “that kid made a jump!”

Minako hung her mouth agape. It’s the first time she saw Yuuri jumped – and he cleanly landed it. She cannot tell what kind of jump was that, but she was still amazed nevertheless.

“Yuuri, you’re awesome!”

Yuuri found the rink was in silence, all eyes on him made him nervous. His family, who were still watching him, were struck in shock. Yuuri with arms spread and one of his skates protruding upwards braced himself towards the crowd. “Ta-dah!”

It didn’t take long until the rink was loud with claps and applause. His acquaintances were the ones to clap first for him, in admiration and support. Though jumps weren’t the only hard element of figure skating, but jumping was still a flashy move even to the ones who knew nothing about skating and easier to attain high scores in competition. Yuuri embarrassedly rubbed the back of his head and waved at them, his cheeks turning red from the cheers he had.

Yuuko’s father clapped his hands hard and laughed. “He did it! He finally landed it – the triple axel!”

Minako overheard him, “that’s a triple axel!?”

“My baby…” Hiroko was overwhelmed with joy; she wiped a tear from each of her eyes. Now she’s planning to cook a lot of katsudon for lunch.

Today everyone was going to spoil Yuuri rotten and pamper him hard. Triple axel was one of the hardest jumps in figure skating, yet Yuuri was able to perfect it at a very young age. The struggles he made to keep on living and surviving a deadly disease had paid off, now everyone can see him starting to collect gold medals soon.

And becoming the pride of Japan, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now the first arc is done. Yayyy :D Since I have serious procrastination habits, I’m going to publish this by arcs. I kinda wish this is the end, tho :( I enjoyed writing this so far but when I’m outlining the story in my heads there are a lot of moments that made me cry, REAL HARD. This is going to be the saddest fic I’ve ever written, hands down.


	10. Chapter 10

Yuuri put the last item he needed to bring with according to his mental checklist into his backpack, and now he’ll all set. He had done packing, he stared at the interior of his room thinking it’ll be empty for a long time, left a bit of sadness at the corner of his heart – he’ll be missing this place so much. Today was the day he will leave Hasetsu and start enrolling in college, as well making his international figure skating debut.

“Baa-chan, I’m leaving now.” said Yuuri before the small shrine in his house. “Please pray for my well-being and success.”

After paying his respects, he found Vicchan nudging his head into his master’s leg. Yuuri looked down and smiled, thinking of how adorable the toy poodle was. Vicchan was having his leash in his mouth and stared at Yuuri while wagging his tail, inviting him for a walk as it had became a daily routine. Seeing his dog looking at him with hopeful and anticipating eyes pained Yuuri’s heart.

_Don’t go._

The raven bent himself down and patted Vicchan’s head. “I’m sorry Vicchan, but not this time. I’m really sorry.”

_Don’t go._

“Yuuri, Minako-senpai’s here!”

_Don’t go._

Yuuri grabbed his bags and walked to the front door, Vicchan followed him, still having the leash in his mouth in case Yuuri do wanted to walk him. Then the poodle saw Yuuri exchanging hugs and kisses with his parents, he was left confused. Today started out differently compared to the other days, did something happen? Everything seemed strange for him.

_Don’t go._

“Take care of yourself, dear.” Hiroko tightly hugged Yuuri in his arms; a tear fell from each of her eyes without her noticing it. “Please take care of your health. And don’t eat anything strange, okay? And don’t push yourself too hard with skating.”

_Don’t go._

Yuuri bent down a little bit so Hiroko can kiss him at the cheek, she noticed of how fast he had grown. Now her son was slightly taller than Toshiya, making him the tallest in the family. She even noticed the amount of muscles her son had when she hugged him, from a frail child battling cancer he had grown into a strong young man, the treasure of the family and the pride of the country.

_Don’t go._

“It’s in the past, Okaa-san.” Yuuri told her, deep down he was already sick of this even though he knew it was something she couldn’t help.

_Don’t go._

He observed each of his family members. Hiroko had burst into tears, Toshiya was controlling it and masked himself with a smile, but it wasn’t the same smile his father usually had. And Mari was putting a tough façade, an awkward smile was plastered on her face but her eyes were already bloodshot. She crossed her arms and her whole body was trembling as she fought her tears from falling out.

_Don’t go._

Toshiya patted his son’s back. “We in Hasetsu will always be there for you, cheering you up. I’m proud of you son.”

_Don’t go._

“Yuuri! You’ll better bring a lot of gold medals home! And don’t forget to study hard!” Mari encouraged him.

_Don’t go._

“Thanks for everything. See you later.”

_Don’t go._

Yuuri bowed down to his family and immediately turned his head away from them; he was hiding his tears too. Minako was waiting outside with her car parked in front of the inn, she was going to send him to the train station. At that time, Vicchan came out from the inn and rushed into the car, he leaped into the passenger’s seat where Yuuri was in and climbed onto his lap.

_Don’t go._

“Uwaah, Vicchan!?” a startled Yuuri jumped a little. “You can’t follow me, I’m leaving!”

_Don’t go._

He hesitantly picked the poodle up and put it outside the car. Yuuri quickly shut the door so Vicchan couldn’t get back in, and Minako started to drive, leaving Yutopia. As they left together Yuuri saw Vicchan running. He was chasing the car of course, trying to follow Yuuri. The poodle’s instincts were telling him that something not good was happening.

_Don’t go._

“Vicchan, no…”

_Don’t go._

Sometimes Yuuri saw Vicchan almost made it, but the poor poodle became slower and was left behind, Minako’s car exceeding him every time.  But there’s no sign of him giving up, Vicchan kept moving his tiny legs and carried on running without stopping. Thank goodness Vicchan was running at the sidewalks as Yuuri was worried if his pet poodle would get hit by a car or something.

_Please don’t go._

Vicchan ran as fast as his legs could carry him, but it became more impossible to keep up with the car’s speed and the poodle’s limited energy. Vicchan stopped chasing the car after he became exhausted; he couldn’t do anything but helplessly watched the car becoming smaller and smaller before disappearing from his sight forever. Mari came and brought Vicchan back to home.

_Yuuri, I’m begging you, please don’t go…_

“I know how you feel, Vicchan.” Mari petted him. “Let me be the one to take you out for a walk instead of Yuuri from now on, okay?”

No longer being able to see Yuuri anymore, Hiroko fell to her knees and cried her eyes out, cannot hold it in any longer. An old woman who was a regular customer tried to comfort her. “It’s okay, Hiroko. You’ll get used to this soon. I still remember first the day I had to send my daughter away to boarding school, yeah.”

“I don’t think that’s the case,” Toshiya barged into the conversation. He was not smiling, much to the old woman’s surprise.

“Have you ever almost lost your daughter in a near-death experience? Well, have you?”

_We were already traumatized a couple years ago, and I don’t think we could ever face through the same thing once again. How are we going to cope with your absence after this? Who will be taking care of you out there? How could we even know if you are in a good condition or not? After what cancer had done to you, how are we going to let you go?_

_Please don’t leave us, Yuuri._

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Today Vicchan got a chance to sneak into the inn without anyone noticing. He grabbed his leash and headed to where Yuuri’s room was. He barked at the door, calling for Yuuri and waited for him to open it. But nothing happened. He tried to push the door open, and it wasn’t locked. Vicchan looked around in Yuuri’s room; the latter was nowhere to be found. He sniffed, finding Yuuri’s scent was faint and fading.

“Vicchan! What are you doing here?!”

Mari appeared behind Vicchan, the poodle was sitting in Yuuri’s room doing nothing. Perhaps he was waiting for Yuuri, she wondered. “Vicchan, Yuuri’s not here anymore.”

She tried to pull the poodle away from the room by his collar, but Vicchan didn’t budge from the place. She sighed, then picked Vicchan up and put him somewhere else to play, but the poodle returned to Yuuri’s room and continued to wait. He believed that Yuuri will come to him soon and play with him as usual, every day.

Mari gave up. “Nah, do whatever you want then.”

Hours passed and Vicchan got bored of waiting. A meal was placed by Mari beside him, but he was not hungry. Vicchan decided to take a nap, surely Yuuri will be in his room after he woke up. He laid down on the floor on his side and closed his eyes, it doesn’t take long until Vicchan fell asleep. His tummy rose up and down when he was sleeping.

“Vicchan, you’re not gonna pull a Hachi here, aren’t you?” Mari sneered. “How cute.”

It was already at night when Vicchan woke up, he looked around in the dark room and Yuuri was still not there. How strange. Usually he will be here at night, but he’s not. Why? What had happened? The poodle was utterly confused. Today was a very boring day, and he didn’t get to see Yuuri for a whole day. Why? Just… why?

 _Where is Yuuri?_ Vicchan let out a sad whine.

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_“Yuuri?”_

_2 AM in the morning. Hiroko was forced to wake up, her sleep was disturbed by a sound of a baby loudly crying. She got up from the bed and hastened towards the crib at a corner in the room, where the 6 months old Yuuri slept in. Yuuri was indeed crying as he moved his little arms and legs in displeasure._

_“What’s wrong, Yuuri?” Hiroko picked the baby up into her arms from the crib._

_She tried to breastfeed Yuuri but he refused, he was not thirsty. Hiroko checked his diapers and found it still clean; it was still newly replaced hours ago before she went to bed. She kissed her baby’s forehead to calm him down, only to find him having a high body temperature. To this, she became panicked._

_“Toshiya-san, wake up!” Hiroko frantically shook the sleeping Toshiya, “Yuuri’s having a high fever!”_

_Toshiya lazily opened his eyes, but he was wide awake when his wife mentioned about fever. Still in their sleeping garments, he grabbed the car keys and rushed outside to start up the car whilst Hiroko packed Yuuri’s diapers, milk and favourite toys into a basket. She wrapped the baby with his blanket from the crib so he wouldn’t get cold._

_“Is there any clinic opening at this hour?”_

_Toshiya who was driving was silent, he wasn’t answering Hiroko’s question. He was just as restless, and he doesn’t know what to expect so he couldn’t come up for an answer. The car stopped at a clinic nearest by Yutopia, Toshiya exited the car only to find the words spelling ‘CLOSED’ in large and bold characters at the door of the clinic._

_“Dammit!”_

_He got back into the car and furiously slammed the car door shut, the car shook a little. It’s so rare to see Toshiya behaving like this, but given their situation she could fully understood him. But there were a lot of other clinics in Hasetsu, so they can’t give up just yet. Though, sooner they found all of them were also closed. And Yuuri’s cries became a lot more painful to listen to._

_“We had to bring him to the hospital then,”_

_The downtrodden Toshiya sadly leaned his head on the steering wheel; he was both physically and mentally too exhausted. His eyes peered at the fuel level; the car doesn’t really have much gasoline left. Can they even make to the hospital like this? Who knew. The only thing Hiroko could do was trying to soothe the crying Yuuri, embracing her baby tight. She patted his back and rocked him back and forth._

_“Shh, your mother’s here. You’re going to be just fine, Yuuri…”_

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Hiroko searched around for her phone, only to find her inbox was empty. She was dejected at first, but it’s still early to give up. She dialled a number and placed the phone to her ear, anxiously waiting for the receiver to pick up their phone. It ended up with a voice mailbox notifying of a missed call.

“Yuuri…” Hiroko mumbled after the call attempt, “Why aren’t you answering my calls…?”

Today she tried calling him for 20 times and all of them ended up being missed calls. She put her phone away to continue her work, but rushed to it once she heard it ringing; signifying of a new message arrived in her inbox. She opened her inbox all eager, but her spirits died once she saw who the sender was.

“It’s not from Yuuri, huh…?”

When was the last time she talked to her son, exactly? Hiroko tried to recall, probably months ago. She woke up every morning and one of the first things she did was checking her phone, in case Yuuri had sent her a message. If she received one she expected it from none other than her son, only one thing she wanted to know – _is Yuuri doing well out there?_

“Dear,” Hiroko called her husband, “Have you received any calls from Yuuri? Or a message from him?”

“No, I didn’t.”

The busy Toshiya still had his eyes glued on the name list of today’s customers. Disappointed, she returned her gaze to her phone and wondered how else she would know about her son’s wellbeing. Yuuri’s Instagram wasn’t helping either, he barely updated anything in it and it lacked a purpose for existing other than to view the other skaters’ accounts.

“You know what? Sometimes I wish he’s not a ‘special someone’.”

After saying that, Toshiya glanced to the rows of pictures and newspaper clippings being collected on a corner and above a cabinet. They all contained Yuuri in them. Looking at all of them made him felt nostalgic. Pictures of Yuuri as a newborn and growing up, winning competitions and also his medals, trophies and certificates he had won during his junior days.

Hiroko asked her husband, “What do you mean?”

“It’s good if he’s only special to us. But now he’s special to the world and everyone else, I afraid we had to give him away.”

Truth to be told, he never expected anything from his son other than being himself. Not Yuuri as the figure skater, not Yuuri as the pride of Japan, not Yuuri as the brave cancer survivor, but Yuuri, as his one and only son. But instead of inheriting the inn and staying by the Katsukis’ side, he chose a path that separated him away from them. Or maybe fate hated them being together after all.

Seconds after, Hiroko’s phone rang. She beamed in delight once she saw who the sender was. “Hello? Yuuri!”

_“Okaa-san? I’m sorry for not answering your calls. I’ve been too busy lately.”_

Being able to hear her son’s voice after so long relieved her heart. He’s probably doing well now in terms of his health, judging from the tone of his voice. It’s what worried Hiroko the most. Every time before and after a competition, more than his success Hiroko would pray for Yuuri’s safety, wishing him being guarded from injuries which she was painfully aware of.

“Oh no, it’s okay! You’re having too many responsibilities now, being both a college student and an athlete. Have you eaten yet? So how are your studies?”

_“I had to repeat a year. My grades are failing.”_

Obviously Yuuri sounded unhappy about it, Hiroko was quick to notice. Not that she would mind anyway, she and Toshiya never strictly coerced their children to perform well in academics despite being Asian parents. Heck, people can still have a bright future without good grades, proven by the Katsuki couple who managed to run an onsen business without the inclusion of their past academics.

“Aww, it’s okay! You’ve been too busy with figure skating, right? Anyway, congratulations for being in the 7th place in the world!”

There was a brief, odd pause from Yuuri before he replied. _“…thanks.”_

Yuuri added, _“Sem break will be after the exams, and…”_

“You have a sem break!?” A genuinely excited Hiroko cut him. She knew it meant holidays for Yuuri. “Then when and how long is it? I can’t wait! We’re going to –”

_“But I’m not going back to Hasetsu.”_

“Eh…?”

All the hopes she had crumbled in an instant. Her ears weren’t deceiving her; she clearly could hear those mundane but horridly sounding words and masquerading a cruel truth behind them. Toshiya was curious with what Yuuri had said just now, judging from the shock in Hiroko’s face. She took a deep breath and calmed down.

_“I plan to go to Detroit to train during the whole sem break.”_

“I see,” a defeated Hiroko lowered her head, “it can’t be helped then.”

_“I’m sorry, Okaa-san.”_

“No, don’t apologize! I’m okay with whatever decision you have!” Hiroko lied with a non-heartfelt smile plastered on her face. “I’ll ask your father to deposit more money in your bank account, then.”

“Good luck on studying and training!”

The phone conversation ended shortly after. The cheery mask she had to put on vanished alongside with her spirits; what only remained was disappointment. Toshiya seemed to understand what was going on. He approached his wife and placed a hand on her shoulder, harbouring the same feelings in his heart.

Hiroko turned to her husband. “Well, let’s get back to work.”

When she thought she could forget everything in a second once she was focusing on work, she was proven wrong. Formerly she wanted to search for something else in the storeroom, she found a dusty photo album instead. She couldn’t help but opened it, remnants of the unretainable past was presented before her eyes.

“Yuuri…”

They all were the pictures of Yuuri. Hiroko decided to take it out with her; she sat on a couch and continued to view the pictures one by one. Newborn Yuuri being adorable. Yuuri at the first day in kindergarten. 5-year-old Yuuri happily eating rice balls after a practice, his chubby face was smeared with rice. Yuuri in his first competition, beside it was Yuuri being at the first place.

“You grew up so fast.”

And the last one was Yuuri after he graduated from high school with all the Katsukis in the same picture. There were no bad pictures, all of them made Hiroko smile. Probably the last picture was her least favourite since she cannot find anymore pictures after that. Why she took the photo album out was to help easing her longing for her son, with what the Katsukis only had of him now.

“Yuuri…” Hiroko caressed a picture of her son with her fingers, “please come back home soon. I missed you so much.”

Warm droplets began to make their way onto the photo album – as soon what Hiroko had only wanted from Yuuri and nothing else went unheard by him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope people can understand why I dislike Your Lie in April and The Fault in Our Stars so much, both for the same reasons. I’m sorry, due to what I’ve been through I can’t bring myself to like either two. But I do respect your opinions if you like them.
> 
> Please don’t use any terminal illnesses or disabilities only as a plot device for tragic romance. It’s not wrong but please do portray it realistically, showcasing how it affects the ones with it and people around them. Don’t make them exist merely for their love interest. (*cough**cough*Yuuri doesn’t need gold he already have Victor*cough**cough*)
> 
> Especially when people didn’t do their research about it, or doesn’t even bother to give it a name.


	11. Chapter 11

Yuuri didn’t enjoy his first flight.

The food was nice and the stewards serving him were friendly, but there were a lot more unpleasantness than comfort throughout the flight, more cons than pros he found. His seat was hard, his ears kept hurting and throbbing headaches that brought him back to things he hated to remember again from his early childhood.

_“Ladies and gentleman, please tighten your seatbelts and stay in your seat. The plane is about to land in 5 minutes. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience.”_

Travelling by flight in the first place was an inconvenient experience anyway. Groggily pulling the eye mask away from his eyes, Yuuri stifled a yawn and stretched himself. His body ached a little, as the plane seat wasn’t a comfortable place to sleep. Finally, after spending hours being imprisoned above the sky in the mechanical fowl he’ll be setting foot on Earth again.

“Wow…”

He was having a massive cultural shock. Everyone around him was speaking English, pulling all-nighters to study English very hard really had worth it. There was a lot of men being taller and having larger builds than him. What’s the most striking were their multi-coloured eye colours. This was all exactly like what he had seen on television.

“Umm… What was his name again?”

Outside of the airport, Yuuri checked his phone and searched for the contact details of the person who will come to pick him up. The person was brown-skinned; his eyes were dark green and his long hair of the same colour was tied in a ponytail. The raven had some problems pronouncing his name – Celestino Cialdini.

“Ciao ciao!”

The Italian man in his 40s came out from his car parked in front of the airport, Yuuri was wondering if this man was the one. If so, then he really had arrived on time. “You must be Yuuri Katsuki, eh? I’m Celestino, your coach from now on!”

Literally the first person to speak in full English to Yuuri, he was nervous. Even hearing how his name was being pronounced differently by a non-Japanese speaker surprised him. He only nodded, then bowed his head to the same level as his knees as respect, still sticking to the Japanese culture and also a habit of his.

“Whoa, whoa there!” Celestino waved his hands, “you don’t need to do that to me! This isn’t Japan!”

It was a very polite gesture, Celestino felt flattered nevertheless when Yuuri bowed to him though it wasn’t a culture he belonged to. They shook hands. “I’ll send you to your dorm first, then I’ll show you the way to the rink where your training will take place. Okay?”

“Thanks, Mister Cialdini.” Hopefully Yuuri got the pronunciation of his coach’s name right.

“Oh no, just call me Celestino, boy.”

Was it okay to address someone older or with authority without honorifics, or directly by his given name? The Western culture wasn’t packed with vast forms of honorifics like in Asian culture anyway, he noticed. But Yuuri wasn’t used to this. Even while Celestino was driving they had one-sided conversations, the raven was too shy to speak more than one-liners at a time.

“If you’re having any problems, feel free to give me a call.”

Yuuri wished someday he will overcome his shyness and talk normally to Celestino, he was always like this towards the ones he’s unfamiliar with since he was little. It’s all thanks to the fact he had spent most of his time in the ~~hospital and~~ Ice Castle and barely had time for socializing; he made too few friends in his lifetime.

The raven waved his coach goodbye. With a deep breath, he pushed the door of the unfamiliar rink open and entered inside.

He stumbled upon skaters of his age in the rink, far from being Asians like him. Oh no, he couldn’t help but feel like an alien due to the stark difference between him and them. How could he ever fit in, without being the center of attention? Some skaters stared at him, then it became an epidemic of stares directed towards him. Everyone paused at what they were doing to steal a glance at Yuuri for a while.

“So you’re the new guy, huh?”

A boy standing nearest to the door greeted Yuuri with a smile. A black girl was beside him being covered in sweat and drinking bottled water, also looked at the raven. The boy was having a short, straight red hair and blue eyes of a darker shade than his idol’s, as Yuuri observed his features. The black girl was having a wavy shoulder-length hair.

“My name is Edhardt Glenn, or you can just call me Ed. I’m from UK,” He offered a hand and Yuuri accepted it. “And this is Rebecca Jones.”

“Becky is fine,” the black girl said, took her turn to shake hands with Yuuri. She also carved a friendly smile. “I’m just living around here.”

“What’s your name and where are you from?” Edhardt asked.

“Yuuri Katsuki,” Yuuri said his name in the Western order so they wouldn’t get confused at telling which were his given and family name. “I’m from Japan.”

“I like your name,” the redhead complimented him, giving Yuuri a warm feeling inside.

“You’re Japanese?!” Becky widened her eyes in surprise. “I thought you are Korean!”

“Eh? What makes you say so?” Yuuri cracked into a wider smile, he laughed a little at how spontaneous Becky was.

“Cause’ you look like those kpop boys…”

Edhardt burst into laughter, Yuuri laughed as well but wasn’t much like the redhead did. Becky blushed in embarrassment. He seriously doesn’t know whether he should be proud or ashamed. Nowadays the Koreans were the epitome of Asian beauty… but plastic surgeries were very prominent among them compared to the rest of the world. Yay or nay?

“This is what happens if you indulge yourself too much into kpop,” Edhardt prodded at Becky. “My ears are going to bleed from hearing you fangirling about BTS every day when you’re not skating or making music.”

“You’re no different from me, you goddamn otaku! I’ll tell everyone of the stash of anime body pillows you’re having in your room!” Becky fumed at Edhardt. “I don’t want to be your friend anymore, hmpph!”

“It’s okay; I already have a new friend here to replace you.” Edhardt patted Yuuri’s back. “Hello, new friend. Do you have any particular interests?”

“I-I like video games…” Yuuri shyly scratched the back of his head, blushing. Seemed that the two were equally nerdy as him.

“Cool, someone who’s not into kpop and that’s a refreshing one. Finally I am freed from the cringeworthy moans of a koreaboo and having to listen to a music that sounds like subliminal messages from the inhabitants of Mars.”

“What did you just say???” Becky smacked Edhardt’s head. “How dare you insult the heavenly music of kpop?!”

Yuuri didn’t expect getting familiar with foreigners like them this easily; it felt like he had known them for years. Perhaps other than language barriers and physical features, they weren’t that different from him. More skaters approached Yuuri and introduced themselves, giving him a warm welcome. Yuuri hoped he can remember all their names and faces in no time.

“Wanna get some burgers and chips?” Edhardt wrapped his arm around Yuuri’s shoulders. “It’s my treat for your welcoming party.”

One guy started screaming. “Did you hear that, guys?! Ed’s going to treat us all! Let’s go!”

“The hell?! I mean I only want to treat Yuuri, not you guys!” Edhardt started to panic.

“It’s too late now, Ed. You owe us a double cheeseburger each…”

“Argghh! Yuuri, run!”

Edhardt shrieked, holding Yuuri’s hand in his and took the raven with him, exiting the rink whereas Becky followed the two, no longer mad towards the former anymore. When Yuuri glanced backwards as he was being dragged along, he saw nobody was chasing after them. So they weren’t serious after all.

He cannot predict the future, but he could see himself forming a very close bond with the two later on.

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Seriously these two new friends of Yuuri went too far.

Not only they treated Yuuri to a meal, but they also helped him to move his luggage to his dorm. What baffled the Japanese was the fact both were having a smaller form than him, notably Becky since she was a girl. They got tired faster than him, but their determination to help their new friend kept them going.

“Is this all you got?” Edhardt placed down a heavy box containing college books on the floor, at a corner beside the wardrobe.

Yuuri clapped his hands in triumph. “Yeah, and we’re finished!”

“Whew,” the redhead wiped the beads of sweats on his temples in relief. “Thank goodness. Finally I can be in peace.”

“You sound like you’re dying already from carrying a single box. I had to carry a lot more things than you,” Becky threw some snarks towards Edhardt.

Edhardt pouted. “Duh, the things you carried were lighter than mine.”

The raven realized that he was actually the one to carry most of the stuff, but he didn’t mind since they all were his anyway. Still, he thought those two were a great help to him. It was less tiring and less time-consuming. Now the remaining task to do was to sort these things up, putting each at the place where it rightfully belonged.

“Yuuri, if you don’t mind, can I help you with the unpacking?” Becky offered to help, again. She was the one to offer help for Yuuri’s luggage after their meal.

“No no, it’s fine! I can do it myself! I’m not tired yet!”

Yuuri hoped he had rejected them politely enough, he doesn’t want to burden them any further especially the fact they had just met. The two weren’t disappointed though. Instead they went to the door altogether and ready to leave the room. Edhardt turned around to say goodbye first.

“Arigato,” he said, bowing his head reminiscent to how it’s usually done in Japan, much to Yuuri’s shock.

The Japanese nervously shook his head, “You don’t need to do that, Ed! We’re not in Japan!”

“Eh, did I do it wrong?” the redhead asked. “In case you’re still uncomfortable here in Detroit, I don’t mind doing this to you every day.”

“No, really! I’ll get used to here in no time so don’t worry!”

“What a weaboo,” Becky snorted.

“Haha, I love Japan and its culture so much so I can’t help it.” Edhardt scratched his head, admitting his obsession with Japan went too far sometimes.

“Anyway, Yuuri.”

“Hmm?”

“I really want to go to Japan someday,” the redhead looked into Yuuri’s eyes in hope. “When that day comes, can you be the one to show me around, Yuuri?”

Yuuri’s eyes sparked in delight upon Edhardt’s request. “Sure thing! Oh and there’s more – my family runs a hot spring business, I’m sure you’re going to like it!”

“Really? Can’t wait!” Edhardt flashed a wide grin. His interest was piqued, Yuuri himself could tell.

“What, I love hot springs!” Becky spouted, “Don’t leave me alone, Yuuri! You need to take me along too!”

“Don’t worry, I won’t! Both of you are welcomed anytime, I’m sure my family would love to meet you all.”

Edhardt’s goodbye seemed to take longer than it should be. He and Becky would love to chat more with Yuuri, but it will take forever and time was a thing to reconsider too. “Well then, catch you later buddy. I can’t wait for tomorrow’s practice; I want to see what you’re capable of.”

“Bye Yuuri!” Becky waved her hand. “I had so much fun today!”

Before unpacking, Yuuri threw himself on the uncovered mattress and recalled everything happened today, he ended up smiling by himself. It had been only his first day in Detroit and good memories were already piling this much. One of the rarest moments in his life where he looked forward for tomorrow to come – to meet his new friends again.

♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥.·:*:·.♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥ ♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥.·:*:·.♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥ ♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥.·:*:·.♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥

Today was the day where the examination results came in.

Yuuri blankly stared at his O-level result slip, being lost at words. There’s an F situated beside one of the subjects included, and the rest were not satisfactory as well. The lecturer sitting in a table before him crossed his arms, while Yuuri nervously looked down, unable to tell his current mood upon seeing the examination result of one of his students.

“It seems like you’ll have to repeat a year,” the lecturer said.

The raven hung his head low just like what had become of his self-esteem. He still hadn’t recovered from the damage he suffered after being unqualified for this season’s GPF, after working so hard for it. And now he performed poorly in his academics, for not able to cater a proper time management for his figure skating career and his studies. He couldn’t get more ashamed of himself.

“But I totally understand that you’re shouldering a great responsibility,” the lecturer gently smiled, proving he was neither angry nor disappointed. “For our country, that is. You’ve worked so hard.”

Rather, it was sympathy that the lecturer had for him. He knew figure skating was a physically and mentally straining sport, and studying in university wasn’t going to be a walk in the park as more time had to be dedicated for training. A lot of the overachievers in university spent most of their time studying and withdrew themselves from anything else, stranding far apart from the world.

“So the reason why I called you to my office is here,” The lecturer took some sheets and handed them to Yuuri. “This is not a punishment; I only wanted to help you pass.”

Yuuri accepted the exercise sheets and notes from the lecturer; he bowed his head in gratitude. Even the lecturer had shown his kindness, but Yuuri’s sense of self-unworthiness wasn’t wavering a bit. He thought the lecturer was being easy on him, he felt he should be scolded more for his mistakes in both figure skating and academics.

“Congratulations for being in 7th place,” the lecturer patted his shoulder. “I am a fan of your skating, my boy.”

It doesn’t make Yuuri feel better at all, though the lecturer was being honest. After saying his thanks, he left the office without saying anything.

♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥.·:*:·.♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥ ♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥.·:*:·.♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥ ♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥.·:*:·.♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥

To help easing the stress he had throughout the day, Yuuri went out to eat at his favourite restaurant, alone by himself. Whenever he was feeling down in the dumps, he was more likely to avoid people as possible; the shame was too strong that he thought he’s just a lowly being compared to others.

As he rode the bus to his dorm, several messages made into his inbox. Yuuri checked his phone to see who sent them.

 

* * *

 

**EdGlenn**

How r u doing dude? Haven’t heard anything from you for a long time. Ur okay?

* * *

 

**Becky**

Yuuuuuriiiiii! I missed you D”:

* * *

 

They all from his friends he made in Detroit. The messages were brief, but it helped him to form a small smile on his face. Since he was not in a bright mood now, he decided to reply to them later. And he saw another message below… 20 missed calls. All of them from the same person – none other than his mother. Yuuri widened his eyes, another mistake he had done now, his guilt multiplied.

He cannot let this slip; he definitely had to give his mother a call after this once he got back to his dorm. When was the last time he heard Hiroko’s voice, anyway?

Yuuri watched the other passengers in the bus. He saw a little girl standing beside her mother at the centre of the bus, then the girl tripped down when the driver hit the brakes too sudden. She bumped her head and cried in pain, her mother rushed to her side and tried to calm her down. A kind-hearted man offered his seat to them.

“Shh, dear. The pain will be gone soon. Your mother is here, baby.”

The mother had her daughter sitting on her lap, while letting the child cry in her arms. Yuuri was watching the scene in a completely different image; instead he saw his 7-year-old self being comforted by Hiroko in her arms as the chemo drugs were painfully acting up, in his ward. His mother was holding him in the same manner, trying to make him feel better as he clenched tight on her, crying exactly as loud in pain.

When Yuuri got cancer, his family was the one closest to him but not as much as he and his mother were. He remembered where Hiroko caught his vomit with her bare hands without any hint of disgust. She obeyed all of his requests no matter how selfish they were, she tolerated every of his tantrums and fits. And his mother feeding him with food all the time, making sure he was well-fed and nourished with the essential nutrients for his health.

“Okaa-san…” Yuuri sadly mumbled. He do missed his mother so much, her delicious cooking, her gentle voice and her protective warmth. He craved all of these to indulge himself in.

Yuuri couldn’t help but wonder – how was his mother doing now? Was she doing well? Was her back hurting again after work? His parents were getting older, more wrinkles they had now and white hairs were more apparent on their heads. More than himself who was a cancer survivor, he was worried of how much time his parents had left. Will there be a chance for him to bring a gold medal home for them? To make his parents proud while they were still alive?

The first thing Yuuri did when came back to his room was calling his mother by his phone. He sat on his bed and patiently waited for her to answer his call. Hopefully she was not angry with him, with all the missed calls he left.

_“Hello? Yuuri!”_

Only in a mere seconds, listening to his mother’s soothing voice blurred his vision. Yuuri trembled; he tightly bit his lips to hold himself up. _Don’t cry, don’t cry,_ he commanded himself.

“Okaa-san?” Yuuri tried his best not to choke a sob out, “I’m sorry for not answering your calls. I’ve been too busy lately.”

_“Oh no, it’s okay! You’re having too many responsibilities now, being both a college student and an athlete. Have you eaten yet? So how are your studies?”_

Hiroko was not angry with him, thank goodness. She sounded cheerful through the phone, much to Yuuri’s relief. But the latest question she asked terrified him. She only asked about his studies out of curiosity, right? He gulped, building up the courage within him to answer her as what he’s going to tell her absolutely wasn’t something to be proud of.

“I had to repeat a year. My grades are failing.” Yuuri said, curling into a ball of shame.

_“Aww, it’s okay! You’ve been too busy with figure skating, right? Anyway, congratulations for being in the 7 th place in the world!”_

She was not shocked to hear it. The happy, warm tone of her voice remained there. Hiroko was being herself whom Yuuri had know for a long time. Yuuri cannot hold it anymore, he withdrew himself from his phone to wipe his wet eyes with his sleeves. He refused to let her know that he was crying after hearing her reply.

“…thanks.”

The mention of Yuuri being in the 7th place reminded him of the plan he made for himself. He informed her, “Sem break will be after the exams, and…”

_“You have a sem break!?”_

His mother was overjoyed to hear the news. _“Then when and how long is it? I can’t wait! We’re going to –”_

“But I’m not going back to Hasetsu,” Yuuri cut her.

_“Eh?”_

“I plan to go to Detroit to train during the whole sem break.”

Astonishment was obvious in Hiroko’s voice, but Yuuri thought this was the best decision for himself. He doesn’t want to pamper himself any longer, and he had work harder next time. With both his academics and skating career failing, he was too ashamed to the point he couldn’t bear to show himself to his family and the rest of the people in his hometown, who regarded him as their hero. He’s only going to let them down.

_“I see, it can’t be helped then.”_

The happy tone in Hiroko’s voice disappeared, making Yuuri feeling uneasy. “I’m sorry, Okaa-san.”

_“No, don’t apologize! I’m okay with whatever decision you have! I’ll ask your father to deposit more money in your bank account, then. Good luck on studying and training!”_

The phone call ended afterwards. Staring at his phone, he realized that he used a lot of his parents’ money for his studies and training in Detroit. _And he failed both._ Tears involuntarily dribbling down his cheeks, with no sign of stopping. His parents worked very hard day and night for money and he ended up wasting their money for nothing.

If this kept going on, he will disappoint everyone – not only his family and everyone in Hasetsu, but also Japan as well.

He moved to the table and brewed some coffee, ready to pull an all-nighter tonight. He was reading the textbook, struggling to understand the difficult concepts and complex diagrams that he was going to suffer from headaches in process. Beside him were the handouts given to him earlier, he wanted to complete those exercises as soon as possible.

_I had to do this; I had to make them proud. I must repay them for everything they did for me, before I’m leaving them forever…_

♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥.·:*:·.♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥ ♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥.·:*:·.♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥ ♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥.·:*:·.♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥

“Eh?! That much?!”

The middle aged woman gasped, after hearing the amount of money the Katsukis had to send Yuuri every year to pay for his college fees, coaching fees and his daily needs as well. Hiroko only smiled genuinely to her regular customer.

“But we aren’t spending money mindlessly over pricey stuffs, so it’s no problem for us so far.” She still smiled.

“But figure skating is really expensive, eh… To think you had to pay in US dollars…” The woman slowly sipped her drink.

“But we don’t mind,” Hiroko shook her head. “My husband and I learned a very important lesson. If Yuuri ever needed something, we’re going to fulfill it no matter what. We’ll listen to everything he wanted without any objections.”

The woman was saddened to hear those words coming out from Hiroko’s mouth. “I see. Yuuri-kun having cancer in the past is still traumatizing both of you to this day, huh?”

Hiroko continued, “Yuuri had gotten sick because of our ignorance. We’re too deeply involved with the inn and we neglected him. But now we’re realized, if we had lost money, there’s still a way of getting it back.”

She paused to let out a heavy sigh.

“But Yuuri? No matter how much money we could have, it would be still too cheap compared to the value our son holds to us. If we lost him, how could we ever get him back? Is there something to replace him? If we find someone who looks like him, that person wouldn’t be Yuuri. There can be only one Yuuri exists in this world.”

The woman sympathized with Hiroko, she held her hand in hers. “Both of you are so strong to face this. I can’t imagine it happening to any of my children.”

“We couldn’t help but pray to God every day,” Hiroko’s voice faltered, almost breaking down.

“To let us be the ones to die first before Yuuri did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mother told me; the worst thing that could happen to parents is of course, the death of their children. Because it isn’t meant to happen that way – it betrays the expectancy of how life should unfold; parents are not the ones to bury their children. They are going to raise their children and watch them grow up, then having grandchildren from them. But the death of their children will make all of this shatter to nothing and take away the parents’ rewards for raising them.
> 
> That said, I think this story will have 3 arcs. The first arc is family arc which is finished, currently the second arc which is the friendship arc, and the final arc is romance arc aka Victuuri arc. Also the most tragic arc, I guess? xD I don’t know, every chapter made me cry while writing it!
> 
> Thank you all for the warm comments! But now I’m too busy to reply to all of them :(


	12. Chapter 12

The first day in Detroit after Yuuri had finished his exams. Now was the start of his sacrificed sem break, and his closest friends Edhardt and Becky were also there to train. Great, at least he weren’t lonely. The raven settled down on a bench and proceeded to untie the shoelaces, taking off the skates and putting on his regular shoes instead.

“Nice trainers you got there, Yuuri.” Edhardt poked his head out of nowhere. He was examining Yuuri’s shoes.

“You mean Celestino?” Yuuri obliviously tilted his head, not really understanding what Edhardt said. “Strange, I thought we have the same coach. And he’s the only one we have, right?”

Edhardt realized what was wrong, he blushed. “I mean, your _sneakers_. I like them.”

So now Edhardt was talking about his shoes? Yuuri was still confused, as English wasn’t his mother tongue. Becky snickered as she sat at the bench behind where Yuuri was sitting, mocking the redhead. “Ed, how funny.”

“Well, excuse me for being British!”

For Yuuri whose mother tongue wasn’t English, he was still confused. Edhardt was fuming, he was slightly embarrassed. The clash of vocabulary here often led to misunderstandings, he remembered buying his friends in Detroit the wrong kind of chips, when in actuality they were asking for crisps according to his known version of English. But his friends didn’t mind it; they were too hungry to complain anyway.

“Hey everyone!” A boy shouted from a distance. He had his laptop on his lap. “GPF is starting soon! Don’t you wanna watch it?”

Yuuri grew frantic, he almost had forgotten. “Just a minute!”

They moved into the tv room somewhere in the rink, a 36-inch television was hanging on the wall in the room whereas Yuuri and the others sat on a sofa to watch it. A few of them sat on the carpeted floor, turning on the tv with the remote. Some other skaters preferred to train instead of watching them.

“My favourite skater didn’t make to the GPF,” Edhardt snorted. “What a shame.”

“Who is your favourite skater, Ed?” Yuuri asked, he was curious.

Edhardt didn’t say anything, instead Becky opened her chatty mouth. “Well, Ed’s really into this certain Asian skater. Unlike the others who are only saved by their quads, this skater really have something. The others are just jumpers, but this skater actually dances on ice like a prima danseur. And when he did his signature triple axel, he was literally flying!”

“Eh, really?” Yuuri didn’t know who Becky was talking about. He didn’t remember watching a skater with such skills.

“Shut it, Becks. I’m trying to focus here.” Edhardt was turning pink.

“You know what, Yuuri? Ed loves this skater so much that he won’t stop talking about him all over the time! To the point we’ve got tired over it!”

“Is that so? But I don’t remember Ed telling me about his favourite skater to me,” Yuuri said, free of any suspicion.

“Of course he WON’T,” Becky inched closer to Yuuri, starting to whisper.”Because maybe it isn’t just an idol admiration but rather… a _crush_?”

Edhardt who was sitting beside Yuuri, extended his hand to pinch Becky’s arm. He said in tranquil anger, “Well well well miss Rebecca Jones, would you kindly please be a good girl and watch the goddamn telly now, hmm???”

Becky had tears in her eyes, painfully rubbing her swollen arm after being pinched. Yuuri turned to Edhardt and asked, “What do you like about your favourite skater, Ed?”

“Well…” Edhardt looked away, scratching his cheek with his forefinger. “He’s a sweetheart.”

“And someone who is painfully too dense.” Becky added, she sneered at Edhardt. “Am I right, Ed?”

Edhardt was going to explode again, but Yuuri was distracted when a certain skater entered the screen. It was his turn to skate now. Excitement was apparent on his face, the raven’s ears perked up and he sat up straight to give his upmost attention. Yuuri was looking forward to this particular skater’s performance the most.

“Victor…!” Yuuri exclaimed happily.

“You really like Victor that much, huh?” Becky was the 1000th person to ask this question to Yuuri. Not literally 1000, just to show how blatant of a Victor fanboy Yuuri was and everyone who knew him could see it.

Edhardt shook his head. “Dude. Like, have you seen his room? So many Victors everywhere that it can be a museum dedicated to him.”

“Of course, I’ve been saying this for many times but Victor is my favourite since I was 12!” Yuuri clapped his hand at Victor’s first quad. “Look at that! His signature quad flip!”

Yuuri added, “Look at how majestic the way he skates! Pretty sure everyone loves him.”

 _Not me,_ Edhardt wished he could tell Yuuri. Sure, when it’s about the technical difficulties Victor crushed them all like a boss, but the lack of artistry in his programmes was too obvious. Figure skating was a very politically unfair sports. First, favouring the jumps over everything and prioritizing Russian skaters to win since the Russians were the founders of figure skating. And the most controversial matter of all, the questionable scorings by anonymous judges.

After the FS for men’s single division had finished, Yuuri and the other skaters left to resume their practice. Only Becky and Edhardt remained in the tv room, sitting on the sofa.

“It’s so predictable on who will win,” Edhardt exhaled deeply. You don’t need to guess who was going to be the gold medallist everytime Victor was competing.

“You know what Ed?” Becky ate the last few cookies left in the jar, “I’ve stopped watching figure skating to see who’s winning a long time ago. How jarring.”

Edhardt replied, “I know right? It feels so unfair all the time with the skaters getting the scores they don’t deserve. The scores doesn’t really reflect what they are capable of.”

“Poor Otabek, I want him on the podium…” Becky sighed sadly, she felt bad for the Kazakhstan skater who skated a clean programme but didn’t get at least bronze.

“How unfair, right? When other skaters are working very hard to skate a clean programme, that Jean Jacques Leroy managed to get on the podium despite of his falls. Because he’s the judges’ favourite.”

The black girl laid her head on the sofa, in verge of tears. “It’s always like this every season. I’m getting disappointed, I don’t know what to expect anymore. I still believe Yuna Kim should be the one to win gold in Sochi Olympics, not silver.”

 “With the figure skating world being like this… do you think Yuuri will win someday?”

It spontaneously came out from Edhardt’s mouth. Becky stared at him in shock, then she was left speechless. She doesn’t know how she should answer him. She doesn’t want to underestimate Yuuri’s skills and she doesn’t want to hurt Edhardt’s feelings either. She only shrugged, playing it safe.

“All he need now is to master some quads, eh?” The redhead mused to himself.

“Becky, I’m placing my bets. Yuuri is going to win someday and I believe it.”

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Yuuri didn’t notice somebody was watching him throughout his practice.

“Yuuri’s triple axel is wicked,” Edhardt praised the raven. He was sitting on the bench all day, facing the ice where Yuuri was skating. “May I see it again?”

“S-sure.”

He skated backwards, looking through his shoulder and leapt towards the air – light as a feather, afloat like a butterfly. He made three rotations and cleanly landed on the ice without any problems. It was certainly the hardest of all jumps since the takeoff required only one foot and without toe pick assistance. Seeing Yuuri’s noticeable height above the ice during the rotations made the redhead clapped his hands.

“Beautiful.” He raised a thumb up.

Yuuri blushed and patted the back of his head in embarrassment. “No it’s not! I think it’s nothing…”

“Learn to take a compliment and acknowledge what you’re capable of,” Edhardt placed his fist on top of Yuuri’s head. “Will ya, Yuuri?”

“Psychologically speaking, it’s not good for your health. Look, humility is good, but don’t be overboard with it.”

Edhardt wasn’t wrong, Yuuri himself admitted it but it was something he couldn’t help with. He’d set goals to improve himself but no matter how hard he tried until his feet bled, it will never enough. Sometimes he went too far with the practice to the point of hurting himself, much to Celestino’s dismay.

Most probably because of his culture, but Yuuri was a hardworker. He trained until midnight for everyday when everybody else had stopped practicing, the increasing number of skates he accidentally broke in midst of skating, his continual wounded and callused feet – all proving to the efforts he put in compared to other skaters.

“Another thing, Yuuri… How did you learn to move like that?”

Yuuri tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean, Ed?”

“You know…” Edhardt was searching for the right words to describe it. “Your steps, and when you spin... whatsoever. It looks soft to me.”

“Soft? Oh, I think it’s because I took ballet classes since I was 3 years old. My ballet instructor said it’ll help a lot for figure skating.” Yuuri said, wiping the beads of sweat on his temple with a towel.

“I’m going back to practice. Later, Ed.”

Yuuri skated away from the rinkside and resumed what he was doing before. Edhardt kept on watching him; he had his hand cupping his chin and sighed. He mumbled to himself, “So that explains a lot about your musicality, eh Yuuri?”

Edhardt couldn’t take his eyes away.  When Yuuri was moving his body on ice he was akin to a swan parading through the water surface – gentle, graceful and untainted. He did a twizzle with his arms above his head, Edhardt noticed the raven’s fluid twirl was nimble and free, showing he was completely unhindered by the slippery ice and the too-thin blades to stand on with no signs of falling. How he skated was anything but smooth. Beautiful.

This was from Yuuri’s FS from last season – Dvorak’s Romance for piano and violin, Op.11. A sublime programme deprived of the attention it actually deserved, overlooked due to the unfair priority of quads as jumps were not Yuuri’s strongest part. Hence he only ended up at 7th and not qualified for the finals only because of the absence of quads other than toe loop in that programme.

“If only there’s someone to teach you quads, Yuuri…”

About Yuuri learning quads… Edhardt had mixed feelings. He wanted him to win, but at the same time he feared if how hard he needed to work for the quads first will take a toll on his body…

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“You know, dance lessons are very helpful for figure skaters.”

“That said,” Edhardt was talking to someone through the phone. “Trust me, Miss Adams! You’re going to love him after he became your student!”

“I’m begging you… Like, have you seen him in telly? He’s a natural born dancer! And I’m hoping you can help him to improve his skating, I’ll promise with his skills he won’t disappoint you!”

“Mmhm, okay…” Edhardt nodded as he keenly listened. “Oh, so you agree to?! Thank you so much!”

“All right! I’ll bring him to your studio tonight!”

Yuuri was resting on the bench after practicing, reading news on his phone. At a sudden, Edhardt appeared out of nowhere, running towards him. “Yuuri, Yuuri!”

“Hmm? What is it Ed?” Yuuri asked, eyes still glued on the phone.

“Yuuri, I have a favour to ask… Can you join the Adams’ Dance Club with me?”

Now Yuuri peeled his eyes away from the phone to Edhardt. “Wha…?”

“It’s a club where you can learn all sorts of dance!” The redhead held the raven’s hands firmly in his. “Like, flamenco, ballroom, breakdance, or even poledance! Seems fun, right?!”

Yuuri was puzzled. Edhardt was staring at him with wide, starry eyes ridden with hope. “Pretty please~? Onagai?”

“It’s _onegai_ , Ed.” Yuuri scratched his head. “But… why me?”

“I asked everyone else but they didn’t want to… “ Edhardt lied.

“I want a company; I’m scared to join the club alone. To think I really love dancing… Nmuuu~” The redhead pouted, he did the (-  3 -) face and a large comical sweat dropped down the back of Yuuri’s head. He was acting like a spoiled child demanding for attention and it was quite unusual.

Yuuri gave up. He had a sympathetic smile across his face and patted Edhardt’s back. “Okay. I’m joining, then.”

Edhardt couldn’t contain the happiness he had right now, he beamed. He jumped towards Yuuri, wrapping his arms around the latter and pulled him into an embrace. The redhead rubbed cheeks with the raven and hugged him tight. “Yuuuuriiii~! Thank you, Yuuri! I love you!!!”

“Ed, hey! That tickles!” Yuuri laughed. “What’s with you today, Ed? Did you eat something bad?”

Edhardt stood up and pulled Yuuri along with him to the main door of the rink. He seriously couldn’t wait. “Anyway, let’s go!”

This was a training to help Yuuri harmonize himself with music more, till he became one with it. So that his body will correspond well to music and learn what kind of moves to synch correctly with it by mere instincts, bringing out the best interpretations. By learning many other dances can make Yuuri more creative, hopefully. Thus, bringing Yuuri’s artistry to its full potential.

Edhardt was expecting more beautiful programmes pulled out by Yuuri soon, in the future.


	13. Chapter 13

Celestino stood in front of his students, Yuuri and Edhardt who were sitting on the bench with both of them facing down in shame. Both were unable to look at their coach and hung their head low, Edhardt literally had his knees shaking in fear and chills constantly running down Yuuri’s spine. It was rare for the fatherly Italian man to be irritated like this.

“So you two had been sneaking out every night.” He furiously crossed his arms. “May I ask what are you guys doing?”

“We’re only going out for extra dance lessons…” Yuuri stuttered. He gulped; feeling scared of what’s going to happen next.

Edhardt was in the verge of crying, “We didn’t do anything wrong, I swear! After the lessons finished, we immediately went back to the dorms…!”

“And why didn’t inform me about it first, as your coach?” Celestino was still angry, scrutinizing his eyes. “Who’s going to be responsible if something happens to both of you?”

Hearing Celestino’s response jolted the boys. Their backs were already drenched in cold sweat in a short period of time. Celestino prompted them to look at him, he spoke in a softer tone, “Look, both of you are still young and I’m acting as your guardian now. I’m taking full responsibility over your welfare and safety as long you boys are my students.”

 “So don’t do this to me again. If you guys have any other outside plans, let me know first okay?”

“Sorry, Celestino…” Yuuri and Edhardt apologized altogether, before Celestino shortly left.

“Scolded by Celestino, huh?” Becky took a seat beside a sighing Yuuri, she laughed to jeer him. While Edhardt was nowhere to be seen. “That’s what you guys get for not inviting me along. Stupid Ed.”

“Well, sorry Becky. I thought you can’t because you’re too busy making music?”

“Oh no, who told you that? Must be that idiot Ed,” She cracked her fists. “I’m going to kick his ass once I see him.”

They sat very close to each other to the point their shoulders touched. Yuuri and Becky were sharing earphones as she showed to him the playlist in her phone, consisting of her favourite classical music pieces. It wasn’t only kpop music she listened to, much to Yuuri’s surprise. Yuuri closed his eyes and attentively listened as Vivaldi’s Four Seasons: Winter came to play.

“Yuuri, I really want to be a music composer after I retire from figure skating. What do you think?”

“That’s good to hear, for you to have plans after retiring.” Yuuri felt a bit uneasy about it. “While I’m still unsure of what should I do…”

Becky held Yuuri’s hand in hers. “I think there’s a lot of job opportunities for you out there after you retire. Inheriting your family’s hot springs is one of them. Or you can try being a coach, choreographer or a commentator, I’m sure the JSF are more than happy to hire you…”

More money could be earned this way compared to how much money a figure skater won from competitions as mostly will be used to cover their expensive training fees anyway. As for this, Yuuri relied on his family’s financial support and the sponsors from JSF. Plus, it was less stressing and less pressure unlike skating competitively, a reason why Becky wasn’t interested in winning in the first place.

“Or you can be hired for exhibitions and ice shows, or even in modelling and commercials. If not it would be a waste for your pretty face.”

Yuuri blushed. “Stop it, I’m only average looking. Even I had never dated anyone before.”

 _Because you’re literally an Ice King, Yuuri!_ _You’re too unapproachable!_ Becky thought to herself.

The Asian beauty was always appealing to the Western eyes, but Yuuri was definitely attractive for someone of his culture. Girls envied his smooth and flawless skin bearing the colour of milk. His adorable doe eyes which looked slanted and sharp when he’s not wearing his glasses, posing two different types of beauty he possessed and he was also tall and slender.  No photobook of him yet, eh Japan?

A music score Yuuri had never heard before suddenly entered his ears.  Becky frantically paused, looking somewhat embarrassed.

“Eh? Why did you pause it?” Yuuri asked her. “What music is that?”

“Well… It’s one of the demo music that I composed.”

And Yuuri was the first one to listen to her composed music, unbeknownst to him.

Thanks to her dark complexion as a black, Yuuri didn’t notice that Becky was blushing. “You better don’t listen to it. It’s bad…”

Regardless of her warning, Yuuri reached for the play button anyway.

A music composition merely consisted of piano arrangement and nothing else. Yuuri keenly listened, as the passive melody played for several minutes. Not bad, Yuuri thought to himself. The raven raised a thumb up to tell Becky that it was fine, and she was relieved. It’s one of her amateur works she secretly was ashamed of.

“I like it,” Yuuri replayed the music. “You do have talent here.”

Becky shook her head. “But I think it’s not good enough. And lots of people out there who are better than me.”

“Then you shouldn’t stop making music. You’ll improve along the way.”

“Haha, I know.” She laughed.

“Thanks for the encouragement, Yuuri.”

After a few moments of silence, she finally spoke out. “You know, I would love to hear my music being used for commercial purposes someday. Like, as a soundtrack of a movie or something.”

“I think it should. You already have the skills, and you shouldn’t shy away from showing your works to others.”

Suddenly, Yuuri had an idea. “Becky, may I keep this music of yours?”

“Eh…?” A dumbfounded Becky batted her eyes, stared at him in confusion.

“I would like to skate to it someday.”

“Really???” Becky jumped from her seat. “But why, all of the sudden??”

Yuuri scratched his non-itchy head. “Well, your music here kinda reminds me of my current skating career. And maybe it would make a good theme for the next season.”

“But, Yuuri…”

“You do want your music to be noticed, right? Then this is your chance!”

Now, Becky could picture it in her head. Her music playing in the background as thousands of people around the globe listening to it. And Yuuri, stood there on the ice in a brightly coloured costume was bringing it to life. Given his skating skills, it’s not impossible for him to make to the GPF. The Worlds, and the Olympics, too. And winning a medal with it. A gold medal, perhaps?

“I will skate to your music someday. I promise!”

“Yuuri…”

Tears started to swell inside Becky’s eyes. Uh oh, Yuuri was unable to tell whether this was a sign of a good or bad news. Girls were naturally delicate in nature, and he hated to make them cry. What should he do? He doesn’t know how to console them, as he couldn’t even stop himself when crying. Maybe petting her back will help, or should he call Edhardt for help?

Becky pulled Yuuri into a bone-crushing hug.

“Yuuri! You’re so sweet! Thank you so much!”

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Practicing alone in the rink at night had always been Yuuri’s daily routine.

“Surprise~!!!”

But tonight was different, now all of his rinkmates gathered there before the ice, greeting his appearance. The lights turned on by themselves, and Yuuri could see his friends greeting him with a smile. A large table before him with food, drinks, cutleries, plates and cups served above it.  A whole blueberry cheesecake sat at the center of the table decorated with candles.

“Happy Birthday, Yuuri!”

Edhardt said that, and he blew the party horn. Yuuri didn’t expect this to happen. His friends knew when his birthday was, and it warmed his heart. To think he was intimidated by their presence the first day he was here, now he realized the difference between them and the language barrier were nothing but illusions to bring a baseless fear to play.

“Thanks guys, but…” Yuuri shyly scratched the back of his ear. “I want to practice…”

Becky pushed the raven’s back closer to the cake. “Ah come on, Yuuri! Can’t you have a break for at least, a day? We’ve worked so hard for this!”

Yuuri sighed in defeat. Not he was complaining though. He walked to the cake and blew the candles, his friends clapped their hands. Then, Edhardt urged him to make a wish. Yuuri closed his eyes, wondering of things he would’ve wanted – most of them were skating-related, showing his lack of desire for anything outside of figure skating.

“I wish I will make to the GPF. And meet Victor face-to-face.”

After Yuuri’s wish, Becky turned to the redhead. “Ed, your birthday will be coming soon too, so why don’t you make a wish?”

Edhardt deeply thought for a while. He spontaneously said, “I wish Yuuri will win lots of gold medals in international competitions.”

“Eh??” Yuuri was surprised. “You should make a wish for yourself!”

“Don’t wanna. Besides, I’m tired of you not getting any single gold medal besides Japan nats.” Edhardt was firm, he crossed his arms.

“Well, it’s my fault for not being good enough.”

Hearing that coming out from Yuuri’s mouth, an annoyed Edhardt pulled Yuuri’s nose. The raven hardly could breathe and winced in pain. He rubbed his reddened nose after it was released. The other skaters snorted while those words were uttered by none other than the most skilled skater among all of them.

“Ed, don’t you have any other wish to make?” Yuuri pouted. He did appreciate the redhead being caring about him.

“Hmm… I wish Yuuri and Victor will get married!!!”

The rink became loud as they cheered, Yuuri turned red and furiously chased Edhardt around, Becky hysterically laughed at their antics. No match for Yuuri’s stamina, Edhardt stopped running and panted, at that time Yuuri finally caught him. The raven locked him with his arms and gave him a rough noogie on the head.

“What makes you wish for that, huh?! Take that!!!”

“Ow, ow! You love Victor so much, right? Then you should just marry him if you can’t keep quiet about him even for a day~”

“I don’t love him that way, idiot Ed!!!”

They began to dine when Yuuri realized the smell of the delicious-looking food made him hungry. The food was not ordered, but home-cooked by his rinkmates. The food was still steaming hot, Yuuri could feel it himself when he held the paper plate in his hands. It was a foreign dish he couldn’t name, but find it delicious nevertheless.

“Have your family wished your birthday, Yuuri?” Becky who sat beside Yuuri, asked.

“Yeah, they messaged me just now.”

Edhardt shook the glass containing fruit juice to let the ice to dilute his too-sweet drink a little bit. “How do you usually celebrate your birthday with them?”

The mention of his family and his birthday clicked a memory inside his head. He fondly recalled, when the two were meshed together it will never fail to be one of his sweetest memories – only during his 7th birthday where the curse befell upon them.  Where he almost lost his life, and a collection of the most traumatic experiences he ever had, to the point he refused to remember them again.

“Well, we just do the normal things and nothing special.”

“Come to think of it,” Becky asked again, handing a piece of cake to Yuuri. “It’s been a while since you’ve returned to your hometown. Don’t you miss your family?”

The sweetness of the cake melted in his mouth, but it doesn’t manage to lift Yuuri’s frown away from his face. “I do, but…”

“I don’t see why I should go home for now. I will only add up to their burden. I don’t even have a job back there to support them, you know?” He placed the fork back on the paper plate.

“I guess they will be happier without me. Or else, I’ll do nothing but freeloading in that house.”

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It’s strange how a large house constantly filled with many people could be caught in loneliness caused by the exclusion of only one person.

The gifts sent by fans to Yutopia were still piling. Flowers, cards, plushies, handmade crafts, homemade confectioneries, wrapped presents… and it ended up too many to the point of getting donated to the orphanage. And somebody ended up sending a whole cake to them this morning, left the Katsukis wondering what to do with it.

“The person in question isn’t here to eat this,” Mari took some cream with her pinkie and licked it, it tasted sweet. “Can we keep this cake? I’ve been craving for cake since forever and this is delicious.”

“No problem. And we can serve it to the patrons too,” Toshiya nodded in approval.

Just the sight of the cake made Hiroko worried of her weight. “My! Pretty sure I’m getting chubbier soon in no time!”

“Yuuri-kun’s not coming home this year?”

The guests cozying around the hall stared at the middle-aged man who brought out the taboo question. It’s the easiest way to crush their spirits down and gloomed the brightest day of their life. Why so, it’s the absence of the baby of the family, the apple of their eyes – and he still was despite almost reaching adulthood. _He’ll forever be._ It was too easy to be worried when the one they used to spoil and pamper was no longer with them.

“I bet he becomes a lil’ bit self-centered now,” one woman let out a puff of smoke. “Only skating is what he cares about.”

“Oh no, he’s just very busy now! There are a lot of competitions he has to win out there; it’s very stressful of him I’m telling you.” Hiroko defended her son. Though, she also had doubted the same possibility.

Toshiya thought this was another cycle of karma they deserved for neglecting Yuuri when he was younger, other than almost losing him to cancer. So this was how he felt when his family abandoned him unintentionally and how lonely it left him. Fate was punishing them very cruelly, but perhaps it’s what they deserved. Well, it’s fine as long as Yuuri was not the one in pain.

Mari placed her head on the table and leaned on it. “When is Yuuri coming home? I miss him…”

“This is the first time we celebrate his birthday without him,” Toshiya sadly added.

Praying was the only thing Hiroko could do. Praying for Yuuri to appear at the doorsteps before her own eyes someday, not separated by the television screen. She was tired of worrying about his wellbeing everyday, while fearing the same tragedy will repeat itself. Having his presence in the house will assure her, as he will be safe and well-protected in the house.

_Do you hate us so much, that you don’t want to come back home?_

If Yuuri did hate them, then it’ll be too much for Hiroko’s heart as his mother. Whatever mistakes they did to him, she wished for him to forgive them. At least, he’ll make the family complete with his presence. Make the house lively just like the old times again. She was eager to feed him his favourite food again. For that sake, Hiroko will never stop praying.

 _Please come back home soon,_ she repeatedly prayed.


	14. Chapter 14

“Haha, I don’t think I do have such skills as a skater.”

One of the ways to offend Edhardt was underestimating Yuuri’s skating skills; he won’t find it forgivable even if it’s Yuuri himself. Heck, it’s even harder to forgive. He rushed towards the unassuming Japanese and grabbed his cheeks, pressing and pinching them hard without mercy. Yuuri in result screamed in pain, he was shocked too as the redhead attacked him out of nowhere.

“Yuuri Katsuki! I dare you to say that in my face again!”

“Owww…” Yuuri rubbed his reddened cheeks, as they still hurt. “What was that for, Ed??”

Edhardt crossed his arms. “How many times do I need to tell you that you’re an awesome skater?!”

“I-I’m just telling the truth. I am not a good skater…” Yuuri averted his eyes away.

Listening to his nonsense again made Edhardt lost his chill. “And what makes you said so?!”

“W-well,” Yuuri paused to search for the right words, “it’s what I always thought…”

Edhardt took a deep breath, then released it into a loud and slow sigh. The redhead put his hands on Yuuri’s shoulders, pulling him closer until their foreheads almost touched. His ice bluish eyes sternly gazed into the raven’s brown ones, so he expected him to fully listen what he’s going to say or those eyes were going to reap his soul.

“See? You’re the only one who thinks that. You can’t make your dreams come true if you don’t believe in yourself!”

“Listen here Yuuri,” Edhardt tapped Yuuri’s cheeks with his gloved hands. “I’m betting with everything I had that you’re going to win a gold medal, and I’m going to land a quad.”

“E-Ed…”

The redhead pulled away from him to resume practice, having reminded of his own goals as well so he shouldn’t waste any time to slack off. “I know you won’t betray my expectations. I will always believe in you.”

Those were not the first words of encouragement Yuuri had ever heard from others who supported him to this far, but he was still taken aback. Never failed to make him rise from a fall and embracing his worth, he realized how he actually needed this kind of people in his life as much as nobody could ever survive in this world alone without help from others.

“No matter what happens, please don’t ever give up. Don’t stop working hard, regardless of the outcomes it’s better than not trying at all.”

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“Yuuri! Yuuri!”

Becky came towards the resting Yuuri while running. The raven was sitting on a bench and drinking water from a bottle; at that point he noticed a camcorder with her as she approached him. He wondered if she was going to ask him a favour of something, last time he had his pictures taken by her, and now probably she was going to do the same thing again.

“Yuuri, can you do the combination spin you did in your latest FS?” Becky turned the camcorder on. “My friends are asking for it!”

Yuuri tilted his head upon such request. “S-sure… But why?”

“My friends love your spins! Come on, you shouldn’t disappoint your fans!”

Why people kept demanding more of his pictures and close-ups was something he would never understand. And the raven thought there are a lot of videos of his programmes uploaded in YouTube, but he was going to do it anyway since he hated to turn her down. He removed the skate guards and returned to the ice, Becky began to record.

First it started with a camel spin with exactly 10 revolutions. Then, followed by a sit spin and changed his rotating foot to enter into a layback spin. All made into a level 4 combination spin with a chance to admire how fast Yuuri could spin, deserving a +3.00 GOE. The ending pose he made afterwards was unnecessary, making Becky giggled.

“Good! Do a triple axel next!” she screamed.

It was strange how Yuuri wasn’t someone best known for jumps, but his gravity-defying triple axel took the cake. Since he literally mastered the hardest type of jump, it shouldn’t be impossible for him to master tons of quads like Victor did – Edhardt thought. He had been watching the Japanese without him noticing again.

“Let’s get this over with.”

He definitely will land the quad toe loop, he believed he could. Just watching Yuuri skating made him motivated enough, as they all were aware enough of the fact Yuuri gained his skills not from nothing. Using the outside edge, Edhardt knocked the toe pick onto the ice and leaped into midair, attempting four rotations, and the next thing he realized was his body lying on the ice.

“Why is this so hard…?”

Edhardt won’t give up; he rose again from the ice and attempted the same jump. He fell flat on the ice again, and went for the third attempt. If Yuuri could practice until late at night, then why not him? He should try again and again. He was still too young, he hadn’t reached his senior debut yet and still plenty of time to grow.

The redhead was too focused on the jump, he’s no longer aware of his surroundings.

_THUD._

His body betrayed him as he collided against the nearest wall, bumping his head first with a loud sound and rolled onto the ice. Edhardt couldn’t raise his body anymore after that; he felt a throbbing pain on his head. Something wet and sticky fell onto the ice and stained it, more of it dripped on the ice coming from him. He reached with his hand for a closer inspection of what it was.

_Blood…?_

“Oh my God, Ed!” Becky gasped in horror.

“Ed?!”

Did he just hear Yuuri screaming his name? His rinkmates huddled around him, and he saw Yuuri’s anguished face after seeing a lot of fresh blood oozing from his head, redder than the shade of Edhardt’s hair. One of them began to call for an ambulance, another rushed towards him with the first aid kit. It was too painful, but seeing Yuuri’s face somewhat relieved him. Made him want to sleep.

“Ed?!” Yuuri shook Edhardt once the latter started to close his eyes. “Get a hold of yourself! Ed! Ed!!!”

♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥.·:*:·.♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥ ♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥.·:*:·.♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥ ♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥.·:*:·.♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥

Yuuri could not stop shaking.

He nervously anticipated for Edhardt’s welfare as he waited along with Becky and some rinkmates before the emergency room. The anxiousness he felt was similar to how he had before competitions, fearing of the negative consequences that may affect his best friend. _Please be fine,_ he continuously begged.

Becky noticed that Yuuri was the most restless among them. She wrapped her arms around him to help calming him down, she even stroked his back gently.

“It’s okay, Yuuri. Ed’s going to be safe.”

Yuuri didn’t ask for anyone to console him for his inability of staying calm compared to them. Instead of assuring him, his ego was hurt for showing his vulnerable side easily, and Becky’s hug seemed like an insult to him. Yuuri pushed her away, rougher than he expected. He slowly regretted after seeing her pained face, but his apology went unsaid. Becky hesitantly reached for Yuuri’s hand, still trying to comfort him. She held his hand firmly in hers, showing she already had forgiven him.

Deeper and deeper layers of Yuuri’s shell began to break one by one as time passed. The final layer, hidden beneath his eyes, eventually broke and its shards cascaded down in form of tears. Being too used to the hospital and the smell of medicine when Yuuri was younger made him unable to calm down, as if this place was nothing but bad news.

“Ed…”

Edhardt was the first friend he made here, and the one who approached him with friendly smiles. The one who made him realized that they were not too different from him. The one who ceased his fear in a foreign country away and acted as a cure for his loneliness. The one who believed the best in him more than Yuuri could to himself.

_Please be safe._

The doctor informed them about Edhardt’s condition; it wasn’t something life-threatening.

Yuuri weakly dragged his legs, walking to the ward where Edhardt was situated alongside his friends. Silently they marched on without exchanging words with each other, probably in no mood for it. He pushed the door open, to find the redhead lying on the hospital bed. A white bandage tightly wrapped around his head. Edhardt turned to see his visitors.

“Hey, Yuuri.” He smiled.

The raven returned the smile, seeing it made Edhardt forgot how painful his head was throbbing right now. Yuuri held Edhardt’s hand in his, whereas the latter gripped it back. Now, the happy days where the two used to practice altogether, going to dance classes at night and fooling around were going to return after the redhead was discharged from the hospital.

At least, for what it seemed.

♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥.·:*:·.♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥ ♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥.·:*:·.♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥ ♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥.·:*:·.♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥

Edhardt pulled his luggage and reached to the departing hall of the airport as Yuuri and Becky followed him.

Since that incident, the redhead’s parents were worried about him, so he was forced to return to his hometown and resume his practices in a local rink. The stitches on his forehead were covered by his bangs, but the pain caused by the wound lessened. Today was his final day in Detroit, and he had to say his farewells to his closest friends.

“Take care of yourself,” Becky said, sharing a hug with Edhardt. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

He chuckled. “I never do stupid things. Now Yuuri, come here.”

They pulled away from the hug. As Yuuri approached, Edhardt spread his arms apart to welcome him and they embraced each other.

“I’ll miss you, Edhardt.”

“Me too, Yuuri. I will always remember you as the best skater I had ever seen.”

Edhardt buried his head into Yuuri’s shoulder, tightening the hug. The sensation of warm droplets was felt by the raven on his shoulder, soaking his shirt. Yuuri couldn’t stop his tears from falling as well, he refused to let his friend go or his presence will only remain as a memory in his heart. There’s no way of getting Edhardt back to his side.

“I will land a quad. And Yuuri will win gold.”

“You definitely will,” Yuuri patted Edhardt’s back. “I believe in you.”

It was difficult, but they eventually pulled away. Waving their hands at each other, Yuuri and Becky sadly watched Edhardt heading further away from them – without turning back ever again.

“Yuuri… Please don’t disappoint me.”

Yuuri tried to forget the emptiness in his heart with skating.

The rink felt too lonely without his friend. The days he went through weren’t as bright as before, without the smiles and laughter they used to share. Nobody to motivate Yuuri whenever he was feeling down, and admiring his skating skills so he would regain some self-worth and confidence within himself. Yuuri still missed Edhardt with all his heart.

Of course, for such friend, there won’t be any replacement. It can be only one Edhardt in this world.

“Hey, I heard there will be a new rinkmate today?”

_A new rinkmate?_

An unfamiliar boy arrived at the main door. From his facial features, Yuuri could tell he was Asian. He looked around nervously, and was frozen in place after seeing new faces in the rink. The new boy was unable to fit himself here, everything felt too different to him not to mention his first time in a foreign country where his mother tongue will not be mainly spoken. His anxiousness was apparent in his face.

This boy strongly reminded Yuuri of himself. No, he was in the same situation where Yuuri was during his first day in Detroit.

“Hello there,” Yuuri couldn’t help himself. “Welcome to Detroit.”

The boy pressed his palms altogether and bowed. As expected, he was definitely an Asian. Yuuri offered a hand, and they shook hands. “Nice to meet you.”

“I’m Yuuri Katsuki from Japan. And you?”

The boy was still very shy, he opened his mouth. “P-Phichit Chulanont. From Thailand.”

This was what Edhardt had taught him, and Yuuri was very grateful for it. Now, he was going to repeat the same favour the redhead did. Pretty sure the Thai boy will have a good time here. Not wasting any time, Yuuri changed into his sneakers and decided to abort today’s practice. It’s important to give the new boy a warm welcome for his first day.

Yuuri grabbed Phichit by the hand. “Let’s go to McDonalds, my treat. And let us get to know more of each other, okay?”

“O-Okay.”

Phichit was not a replacement for Edhardt. Though, he was there to fill the empty gap left by him – forming a brand new friendship for Yuuri to cherish.


End file.
